Deceived

Have you ever felt deceived by someone? What I am talking about, you thought you knew them. I mean really knew them only to find out who they were or portrayed to be was a complete lie. Sometimes this betrayal can cut to the core and other times you think well geez it's good thing I didn't completely trust them. You have that feeling in your stomach as if something wasn't right? You just couldn't put your finger on it. Well that happened with me more recently.

I had this weird feeling about someone, and I kept telling myself, it'll go away with time. I even told myself, well maybe it's because I am just really guarded after all the betrayal I had just gone through. . . But no. It still was there and it grew. I figured OK, I gotta give this person a chance. Maybe I was being a hypocrite and it wasn't them. So I did. And I won't say what happened or why but boy was it a complete eye opener as well as a confirmation to that feeling that lingered. I finally told them I couldn't be around them any longer. The day I told them that, that night I got a phone call telling me to check up on that person. That I was in for a real shock. What I found out was not only appalling but the character of this person was outright disgusting. I was not shocked though for some reason. I knew that something wasn't right. When I heard that they went to a strip club to do business with their "clients" I thought, geez I want as far away as possible from them. Talk about unethical. If you don't have morals, you still should have ethics and the law in which you should abide by.

I've always given people the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross that line, I will never trust them again. I will not even associate with them. I am careful with what kind of company I keep! Call me crazy but I am not about to get involved with those kind of people.

Now I have had several opportunities to be very unethical. I have been offered hundreds of dollars for "happy endings." I felt disgusted. I don't go to their work and ask for "favors." If they want that call a prostitute. I could easily rake in the cash and have more than enough money to do whatever I wanted right now. But I can't and won't lower myself to such filth. Maybe that's a reason I hate the business now. Anyhow, all I have to say is just be careful in whom you spend your time with. Even if it's just on the phone. Trust your instincts. Trust me, as good as they may make you feel you're worth more than empty words and promises. This goes for guys too! Don't lower yourself or your standards just because you "Feel Lonely. That's all I have to say on the subject.

Still Disgusted,

Bri

life

Hi all! So life's been interesting to say the least! I can't believe spring break is over! Yikes! Time for the education world again! sigh! I so want to be done! : ( Things are going so so. But I still have that joy. HMMM. . . Well, I better run! Tons to do in just one day! My only thought is will the court stuff ever get done!?

In wonder,

Bri

A Mystery Unravelled

Hi! so for those of you who want something a little bit more interesting to read! Something that peaks the interest of many, I finally started to write from relationships. Though you'll never find that stuff on here LOL! Those who are computer smart and know how to find things, will find my other blog. It's not that it's completely hidden, but I am not going to say where it's posted or the porthole it's posted through! But once you find it, I guarantee you'll see me in a whole new light! From first kisses to the "moment!" It's history in the making!

Well I'm exhausted and this has not been the best of days! Thank God for that special someone that keeps me sane and laughing when I should be crying.

I get to go to a Sonics game tomorrow! I'm so excited! I haven't seen them play live since I was a little girl! Yeah!

Good Night all!

Bri

A Happy Day!

Hi! This is just real quick! I have such an overflowing joy that I can't stop smiling! My relationship with the Lord is amazing again and I can't wait to spend every day with Him! It doesn't matter what I am going through or what has been thrown at me lately, I still have this deep peace and joy in my heart and I am just so overwhelmed with feeling the love of God again! It's truly been an amazing and exciting time lately! I know this next week will hold several blessings big and small for the children and I and I am excited to see where this week will take us! It does not matter what is thrown at me, I have been able to truly smile through it all! I should be in tears as people have told me they would be in my situation, but I just laugh and say that's life! I am looking at life w/a whole new perspective! No matter what happens, I know that God sees the bigger picture and that all that has and will happen is for a reason! So w/all this said, I gotta run! Last minute things to do! I hope you all enjoy your week! Blessings!

Smiling!

Bri

An Amazing Day!

Good Morning and Happy Easter! Well as I said it would be, yesterday was an amazing day! Even better than I thought! I woke up with a text and call from a special person which started off my day absolutely fabulous! Then Bella and I got ready and took off for the whole day and it was a fabulous and fun day! We finally picked up the kids late last night and headed home only to find more surprises of old friends tat had come over to visit! Dinner was delicious and well when they finally left and we crashed I got a good night phone call that put a smile on my face and gave me beautiful dreams!

So today I got the kids ready for church and Lexi looks so stylin w/her new sassy haircut! Though now mommy has to dry, straighten, and flip it so get the oh so hot look! She truly s a lil mode! Now I'm getting Bella and I ready and thought I'd take a moment to write and say just how happy I am and how amazing my life is! And I can tell you this, though her father is absent, she's definitely not lacking in love! She the type of baby that just draws the crowds! With her natural beauty and bubbly personality, she just draws people to her! She has my carefree persona I had as a girl growing up! Though don't take her far from mommy, cuz she's a mommy's girl throuh and through! Though she does like guys! LOL! Probably because their deeper voices draw her to them! But in the end, it's mommy she wants! She truly is a gift from God!

Well lil BelLa and I must shower! But my joy exceeds me! Life couldn't be better right now!

All Smiles!

Bri

A Great Life

Just gotta say real quick before I start the day! Life is amazing and great! Things are fantastic and I am loving it! I also want to say, God is awesome and I am so lucky to know Him! I am falling more in love with my Savior every day!

Isabella is doing great! She got her first molar! And before her other teeth! Bizarre! She’s getting so big and active! We saw some old friends last night and had a ton of laughs!

Alexis and Michael are also getting so big! They are now in t-ball, swimming, soccer, and Lexi is getting ready for her big ballet recital in May!

I am loving Physics and never thought I’d say those words! So, yeah, life is great! I’m getting to do I wanted to do my whole life! So life is great!

Gotta run and get ready! But today is going to be amazing, I just know it!

All Smiles for this blondie!

Bri

Isabella's Dedication

Hi all! Last night was so amazing! Isabella Joy~Leilani was dedicated to the Lord! She was truly a blessing of sorts! Out of 10 baby dedications last night she was the only girl amongst them! The word that was spoken over her was so amazing! Even at a young age she will be filled with faith and full of compassion and wisdom. I will try to get a copy of it to post! So anyhow, she looked perfect, just like an angel! And they had to stop to comment on how beautiful she was! My daughter is a Joy and blessing! Anyone who can’t see that is blind.

The message, in sorts was sorta for her, for her life as well as mine! Isabella is like Timothy from the Bible. While her conception was not done in a covenant of God, her life is just as important as the lives of the children born in a bonded marriage that are in Christ. God has placed a special blessing on her life. And I am excited to see it come to past!

Thank you all to those of you who came. It meant the world to me.

I love you all,

Bri

Happy!

Hi! So today was eventful to say the very least. I have the best, most interesting Anatomy teacher. She’s a hoot and by far the best teacher yet! But she’s also the hardest teacher I have! Her parting words after a 2 hour lecture was if we don’t read chapter 22 before Monday, don’t bother showing up for class. Yikes! So, this weekend I am super busy! I have the kid’s last basketball game this sat. then between time I have to find time to study and play with the kids and then the baby dedication later that evening. Though I am excited! I have to say things are looking pretty great these days! Even with everything that is going on. Things that I will never mention. But yes, I’m loving life and it’s good.

Just thought I’d share!

Happy,

Bri

It's Better to Love: Life's Lesson

Good Morning! I am just sitting here with the baby, as she is talking and smiling at me, and I think to myself, life is too short. Too short to be angry. To short to hate someone. To short to not care about others. It takes more energy to be angry and hate and not care than it does to be happy, love and care! It’s easier to pray God blesses someone than it is to pray that the person that hurt you so deeply gets what’s coming to them and pray God makes them hurt the way they’ve hurt you. Don’t tell me that at at least one point in your life you didn’t wish someone that hurt you felt the pain they had caused you. We’re all human. We’ve all done it! But I woke up this morning and remembered back to my conversation with a great friend, Eric and I once had. He said Bri, it’s harder to love those that hurt you, but that’s what God commands. To love our enemies and those who spitefully use you. I was not ready to hear it then, because I was in the hurt mode. But looking back over the years and the conversations Eric and I have had back and forth, I realized that everything happens for a reason!

Since 2005, I’ve been through a lot of crap. I won’t lie. The very essence of who I was was being tested day in and out from every worldly angle possible. If it wasn’t one thing it was surely another. I still had so much to learn. I was a Christian and knew the Bible back and forth and could at any given moment give you a verse for what you were going through, but trying to grasp it and comprehend it was a different story. I had been so hurt by so many friends and the church of all things. There were times I had no idea why I was still here. I mean why did God choose to save my life so many times? I still wonder at times this, because it seems God seems to be so distant and far away. Where art though God? Why are you hiding? I cried in the night! The only time I was allowed to truly cry was at night so that my children didn’t see mommy’s pain. I was so put together on the outside, but on the inside I wondered where God had been.

I may not know all the answers and I still feel the hurt from the most recent events, but Slowly and surely God has come out of hiding. . . Or is it that I have finally learned yet again how to be still, listen and know His beloved voice? Talking with Jesus is what has gotten my through, especially now. It’s not always easy and I don’t always get the answers I want, but the one thing I am certain of, is that my daughter (the baby) is no mistake. Because of her, I am realizing that it is time to slow down and really open my heart to loving people. I had my other two when I was young, and I don’t think I fully knew, understood or appreciate being a mom and just watching every smile. This time around it’s been different. I don’t feel so alone because I feel God’s presence here helping me raise her. This time not once have I ever gotten angry or upset or even cried when it took minutes to calm her. I would just walk with her and talk to her and sing to her. She has two favorites that really calm her down. The first is He’s got the whole world in His hands. And the second is Oh be careful what eyes what you see! Yesterday, for example, we were at the Y, because Alexis had ballet and she decided to cry. She was so overwhelmed and tired That it took over a half an hour to calm her down! Others looked at me as they passed. Then one old grandmother came over and said she could truly see the love in my eyes for her and that she’d been watching me with her since we got there. I sensed Izzy’s frustration and went with it. No longer do I get a sense that I can’t be a mom... Through all that I’ve gone through and with her having no dad around, you’d think I’d be more stressed. After all, my other two pregnancies were a breeze and the after math I was healthy again right away! This hasn’t been the case with this little one. I had to take the postpartum Blues survey. My doctor said all that I have been going through it’s a wonder I’m even out of bed. She said she herself would be so depressed if she were walking in my shoes. That usually the baby is the first to blame for everything. She cant imagine dealing with what I am still dealing with. I’ve slowly had others tell me they would never even want to walk 30 feet in my shoes because of the things I’ve been through. Yet, I’ve never blamed the baby or the children. She is a blessing and a joy to me!

God is teaching me far more through the path of the unknown that is definitely bumpy, full of pot holes, is so narrow that at times you have to put one foot in front of the other or you’ll fall into the ocean, the path where the thorns from the sticker bushes reach out and snag my cloths, sometimes tearing them to shreds. Yes, I have to say that most of my adult life, I’ve been on this path. I can’t imagine life any other way. Maybe that why I’ve learned to love the very people who use me and hate me. Maybe that’s why I can extend my hand and all that I have to a complete stranger and never want anything in return. I know I will never be a mother Theresa, but I strive for excellence and Pray that God’s mercy gets me through.

Something that I’ve kept hidden deep within my heart is the desire to truly be able to love again and be loved deeply in return. How interesting it is that I’ve had several people, I don’t know and those who don’t know me well tell me that is about to come to past. I know this means growing and stretching and going outside my comfort zone. But last night Eric told me it’s going to happen! He and his wife Bobbie have been there for me in the days where I felt I was drowning in quicksand and there was no way out. They are the type of friends you want to have for a life time because they are real. They tell you how it is but never turn their backs on you no matter what you’ve done. I have to say if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now. They have renewed my belief in God, and when I start to look down, that is when they call, or write to remind me just how much God does love me!

So, what is God teaching me? How to love better, be stronger, be a woman of character, and one who when that day comes will be the proverbs wife to my husband. I’ve got so much to learn but I am learning! Maybe I didn’t get it right the last couple of times, but then again, I truly can’t be the only person that is invested into a relationship. The next time around, I will NOT compromise who I am just to please a man. And he’ll be the most wonderful man! I wont have to be something I’m not or try to change just for him. Besides when I meet a real man who truly isn’t afraid, he’ll loves the kids too and we’ll be a real family.

So with all this said, I must go feed the baby and get ready for school! Smile! And learn to really love those you hate! Pray God blessed them and actually start to care about them, and God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams! Don’t rob yourself of God’s blessings because of the anger you have inside of you! Let go. Forgive. And even be friends with them. Real Friends. That’s what I’ve learned to do and who knew. I am now friends with the very people that hurt me the deepest! When I wanted to hate them and had every right to I forgave them and befriended them. Who knows why people do what they do? Maybe they do love you? Maybe they are jealous? Or just maybe they just need a friend. So look beyond what you see. Look through the microscope to the deeper root of things. Everyone needs compassion! Everyone needs a friend. So try being that to them. Just remember there’s a reason for everything. You may not know their motives or even agree with them, but learn to start putting others above yourself, above your needs. Don’t ask God to change them. Ask Him to change you and your heart.

Love you all,

Bri

The mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
Front of him. When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
Jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open
Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous ’yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee
From under the table And poured the entire contents
Into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

’Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
’I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health,
Friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was
Lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
Car.

The sand is everything else --the small stuff.

’If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued,
’there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
Important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With ALL of your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

’Take care of the golf balls first --the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired
What the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. ’I’m glad you asked’.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

Please share this with someone you care about

Isabella's Dedication

Hi all! A lil Reminder that Isabella will be dedicated This Saturday at 6pm at New Song City Central. It is being held at Urban Grace on 9th and Market in downtown Tacoma. I'd still love for all of you to come!

She is doing well and growing like a lil rose as we say to her! She's now 2 ft tall! I tease Lexi that she'll be taller than her by the time she's a year! Izzy just started rolling over yesterday and had her first "real" bowel of rice cereal tonight! We took lots of pics as she's decided she loves it! She is talking up a storm these days and is always grinning and laughing! She tried to mimic "hi" when we say it to her and it's a riot! She is now in her 3-6 month old clothes and sort of bypassed 0-3! LOL! Before I know it she'll be sitting up and crawling! She is now playing with her toys and is still trying to suck that thumb of hers! She loves her silky though! She surely loves mommy and let me tell ya, we're inseparable! We're a package deal! Izzy, like the other two has brought so much joy to my life and to the lives around her! She brightens the hearts of those who get to know her! Oh and yes, she finally has both ears pierced! LOL! That will forever be something we can laugh about! In fact in her passport photo she only has the one earring! Too cute! Oh I almost forgot, she loves the water and her baths! She gets upset when it's time to get out! Needless to say she'll be starting swim lessons this summer with me! Her grandpa insists on teaching her how to surf already! Well I'd better go. I am pretty worn out these days with the 3! But it certainly is worth it! My 3 are my everything!

Well I hope to see you all there who can make it!

I will e-mail pics soon!

God Bless,

Brianne

Regrets

Oh the things we do in life. Last night a very special person asked me what in life did I regret. He asked if I regretted being married or even my last relationship. While neither turned out as I had hoped, I don't regret it. I don't hate or dislike either man. We just weren't agree on things that really mattered.

I've gotten a million and one questions about Izzy's dad. All I wish to say on the subject is no comment. She has me to love her and she'll be just fine. She's a happy girl and all that matters is her! I just want what's best for her! Maybe some day things will change? Do I like how things are? Or how they ended? On both accounts, no way! But that's out of my hands so I'll do things as peacefully as possible. So again no comment. After all what is there to say? really?

So what do I regret? I'm not so sure. Maybe some day I'll figure it all out. Well gotta run. Got wash my son's hair!

Still in thought,

Bri

The New Me! Lovin Life!

Hi! Can't sleep so thought I'd write quick! So, anyhow, life is good ok. Things could be worse, but they could also be a lot better! At least I have some good friends in these times! I'm just trying to do things peacefully these days. I am so tired of all the drama.

So in that sense. . . The old me (or should I now say? new me?) is back and here to stay! LOL!

Last week, I finally took the steps I needed to, to be a woman again! I am now going out and doing things! I plan on doing a lot more in the coming months!

But the me who kinda gave up on stuff is gone! Now that I lost most of my baby weight, I went out and bought some cute new jeans and tops! It's definitely a new look and a new me! With going back to my beloved blonde hair I knew and loved I now feel a million times better! Not only am I once again confident, cool and collected, but my whole persona has seemed to change. Once again I am that girl whom the teachers say hi to and stop to ask me how it's going, or to tell me how they are. Once again, I'm the girl whom others are coming to for help because I seem to know my stuff. And I can finally say somewhere inside the light finally came on with Physics! LOL! I think I am finally understanding all these laws. With all the math involved it's a wonder, but I am truly getting it!

I have to say, at times, when in weakness, I want to be done with school and maybe just go for a trade such as a hair dresser or something, but then when I am in those science classes and whatnot, when I am struggling to "get it" I think I want to apply all this stuff! Then a light clicks on and I get excited talking with the others about where I'd love to go to Med School. But only God really knows my future. The truth is, there is a man whom has recently caught my attention. He and I talked know each other shall we say well. He asked me about the kids and how all is going. He's been a doll and a sweetie through all of this. He knows how hard it's been, but he hasn't backed down. He hears the joy I have again and knows how much I love the kids and even my little blessing Isabella! I was telling him just last night that when I am stressed and the day has sucked I come home to this grinning, now laughing beautiful baby that just wants mommy. She is playing now and talking up a storm with her squeals of delight! He told me he can tell how much joy she brings me! And so we talk. We talk about his job and how things are. We talk about everything under the sun, from the news to culture to how we'd raise the kids together! LOL! I think he'll be a great dad! No, he's never met the kids. Not yet. I learned the hard way to not let them get involved with any man until he and I are serious to the point of engagement. ONLY then is it truly time to bring them into the equation. I will never let them hurt the way they sometimes still hurt from my last relationship. Besides with the baby, I really have to be cautious! I don't want her around any man who will break her little heart.

But yes, life has great. It is never what I asked for, wanted or expected, but I am me again. The me that way here a year and a few months ago, before I truly lost myself and who I was. Gone are the days of Trying too hard. Because I realized I don't have to. I realized I am worthy of being won over!

I am trying new and fun things like snow shoeing and watching hockey games practically on the ice and sky diving and hiking Mt. Raineer!! This spring I am going white water rafting again! I realized that yes, while I am a mommy first, I need me time. Time to be a woman again, and time to hang with my friends and do the things I love to do and want to try! I was so busy being a mom that I realized I didn't know how to truly be a woman of value! Not until this past week! Sure I may not end up with this guy, but then that's OK. Life is what it is and there is so much more to it than worrying about whether this or that guy likes me! Besides, now that I am doing what I love to do, things are falling into place naturally and I am happy again! I am not so stressed out and it's easier to want to do things and go on new adventures with my children! Some day, God will give me a man to go on life's adventure with and when that time comes Those will truly be the best days of my life! But right now, being me, who I am, who I once was now with a better twist and zeal, these are the best days of my life! I will raise Izzy with the same love as I give my other two! She will be no different! She already is a special blessing and joy in my life! And any person who cant see how wonderful she is, is missing out! Just spending a half an hour with her changes your whole day because her smiles are priceless! Soon, she'll be getting her first tooth, and walking and talking and saying "I love you!" Those days are close by! In fact I measured her just yesterday and she is now 2 feet tall! LOL! she sure is growing fast! The doctors say her height is in the 90%! But she is still so petite! Mike is now 47'' and Lexi finally made the 42" mark! We tease her that Izzy will out grow her by a year!

So that's life! My life! I must go as I get up in a few short hours and have Physics again!

Oh and Izzy is being dedicated this Sat. at 6 in Tacoma! If you want to come, feel free to ask for more details!

Lovin Life,

Bri

On With the Happy Days!

So things are going well, good! Thursday I finally had surgery and the anesthesiologist talked me into a blood patch at the time which I was all over! I gotta say he was the best one I've ever had! We talked and laughed and the rest is history! Just kidding! But really, he is a pretty cool guy! He first started in internal medicine, got bored so went to surgery but wanted to do something more so move to anesthesia! Apparently he stayed with me the whole surgery then checked on me several times after until I was released! I have to say he was a life savor! During birth I got a spinal headache that never went away but went into a migraine for weeks! When I woke up, there was no more headache! The other surgery went excellent too! Though I woke up with my legs in lots of pain!

So onto other things! I am very very happy these days! Tired and well exhausted but happy! I still can't believe I have another beautiful baby! And well things are good. I will leave it at that. Izzy has me and the kids and my family. So she'll be loved regardless. I just can't believe how incredibly beautiful she is! LOL! I prayed for God to bless her with the gift of beauty and He sure heard! She's got the cutest smiles and she talks to us and she gets so excited. Now she even tries to suck her thumb and loves her silky blankey. She's really tall too! She's in the 90% for height but still pretty petite!

Isabella currently has 1 earring! Yes, that is right. I had her ears pierced but her earring in her right ear got stuck in the gun and bent and so we had to pull it out and let it heal. So she'll go back in this week to get it redone. But for now she is my one earring baby! LOL! I have gotten some crazy looks and even some ask if I have a gay baby! I couldn't believe that! Oh well! I say nope, it's the newest fashion statement! LOL! I mean come on!

Well, that's life. The kids are still playing ball and Lexi is still dancing and that is about it!

Better run! Tons to do since I am mommy and daddy both these days! : |

Busy,

Bri