Hi! So today was well, interesting. He did meet my girls today. We did meet for lunch at Red Robin, instead. Though they met him as my friend. I am not going down that whole road again. And well, Alexis was Alexis. He thought the baby was pretty easy going and said she's so adorable. And of course we were stopped by people adoring Isabella. He laughed and said I must be use to it. He said I have the cutest kids! Then he met Mike. We picked him up from school. Then we headed to get stuff for my car. And well he saw Mike in his mommy I want this car mood! LOL! So, he's seen it all. And well if he calls me or texts me in the morning like he always has, well, that will prove he doesn't scare easily. LOL!
But yes, I am still guarded. Very very guarded and for very good reason. I do NOT want to be that girl again. No more wide eyed and innocent. She was killed sometime within the past year. I don't think I'll ever go into another relationship with as much trust and innocence as I had. Though, I am leaning how to slowly open up again. The fun me is back! He brings that out in me!
So anyhow, I must get a million things done! And well, I am literally exhausted. But still smiling with my girls!
And yes, there are other things going on in my life. Important things. Things that no one should have to go through or fear. But I just can only pray things get better. Anyhow, I'd better go sleep now.
Loving Jesus,
Bri
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Life is awesome and amazing
Hi! I have been pretty happy these days! Life has been looking good! I am finally done with finals which is a HUGE plus! But alas, summer classes start in a week! : (
And let's see, the kids are playing soccer again! Boy has Alexis improved! And hmmm. . . Oh yes, she had her ballet recital! It was so amazingly CUTE! I can't wait til next year at the pantages! And Lexi has twisted my arm, so I am now going to be dancing again too! I think That I may be able to convince Mike to do Tap with her! She will be doing Ballet, Tap and Creative Movement with me! I may get Mike into hip hop as well! Who knows! Dance is good for all ages and both genders! I myself, am being pulled back into Ballet (Possibly point?), Tap, Jazz and Creative movement with Alexis! We shall see how it all works out though! But I am excited! I missed dancing! And the guy I am seeing is really encouraging it! Yeah!
He really is bringing out my youthfulness again! We have a joke about me wearing matchable browns! Which if you know me, know it has to be as such! LOL! So far it's been amazing! We've gone to a couple of movies and had coffee and to Seattle together! I guess the big question will be if he goes to church with me! LOL! But we've had the "talk." Because he is in the medical field and loves it here and I have no idea where live will take me and for how long! Today he may meet my girls! We have yet to get that figured out! But we might take them for Pizza for lunch!
Speaking of girls. . . Isabella failed her hearing test! She has to go to a specialist now! : ( She is congested in both ears now! Poor lil Ms. . . . But she is growing like a rose! She is now 26 inches and only 14 pounds! She sure is my sunshine!
So that's my life these days! Nothing too new but it's been exciting! I may even move to the Tacoma area! HMMM! I have no idea where things will go. But I am excited! Well better run for now.
Lovin Life,
Bri
And let's see, the kids are playing soccer again! Boy has Alexis improved! And hmmm. . . Oh yes, she had her ballet recital! It was so amazingly CUTE! I can't wait til next year at the pantages! And Lexi has twisted my arm, so I am now going to be dancing again too! I think That I may be able to convince Mike to do Tap with her! She will be doing Ballet, Tap and Creative Movement with me! I may get Mike into hip hop as well! Who knows! Dance is good for all ages and both genders! I myself, am being pulled back into Ballet (Possibly point?), Tap, Jazz and Creative movement with Alexis! We shall see how it all works out though! But I am excited! I missed dancing! And the guy I am seeing is really encouraging it! Yeah!
He really is bringing out my youthfulness again! We have a joke about me wearing matchable browns! Which if you know me, know it has to be as such! LOL! So far it's been amazing! We've gone to a couple of movies and had coffee and to Seattle together! I guess the big question will be if he goes to church with me! LOL! But we've had the "talk." Because he is in the medical field and loves it here and I have no idea where live will take me and for how long! Today he may meet my girls! We have yet to get that figured out! But we might take them for Pizza for lunch!
Speaking of girls. . . Isabella failed her hearing test! She has to go to a specialist now! : ( She is congested in both ears now! Poor lil Ms. . . . But she is growing like a rose! She is now 26 inches and only 14 pounds! She sure is my sunshine!
So that's my life these days! Nothing too new but it's been exciting! I may even move to the Tacoma area! HMMM! I have no idea where things will go. But I am excited! Well better run for now.
Lovin Life,
Bri
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Content
Hey all! Life is great! I'm happy again and I am getting a chance to be me! YEAH! Though, I still love my lil ones! And I can't wait to get home to see Izzy cuz well she needs to nurse! LOL! So anyhow, I'd better run cuz I have a call to return and I am tired these days!
Content,
Bri
Content,
Bri
Monday, May 5, 2008
A Baby Dies, Realization
I was sitting in the audience of the pinning of nurses for NWU's 08' pinning, when a student speaker got up to talk! What came next, I never expected to hear. But to this day, her words still ring true within my own soul.
The first day I lost a patient, I was in the NICU. I looked down at this once breathing baby who was now lifeless. I cried from within. Why God? Where are you now? Her mind screamed out. She handed this dead baby to it's parents as they took him to hold him they sobbed. And again she asked Why God? Who are You? A still small voice came to her and said I am the God of Isaiah. I Am Who I Am. And then she knew He was there with them. When the parents gave the baby back and as they continued to sob over their lost child, and she cried with them on the inside she asked OK, Now God, where are You? Who are You? She had started to undress the baby and she washed the baby and clothes him again. Right before she took him to the morgue she heard that faithful voice again. I am Your Comforter and Peace on times of trial. So She carried the baby down to lay there with a peace. She had God's peace. Yet we still will never understand why God chooses to take some babies and not others. Why God chooses to let some people get so very hurt and lets others walk away without a care. Where is the God of justice, we all sometimes wonder. Especially when that justice is so big that it seems life can't get worse and it does. The unjust for all those who are dying for no reason. The unjust for those who have cancer. The unjust for the babies in the world whose parents or parent didn't or doesn't want them. The unjust for the death of that innocent child! What is there to gain from all of this? Most likely there will never be an answer and the world will continue as it always has. The evil will become more evil, the saints, God's true Followers will become even more persecuted! And then I stop and ask myself, how often does a person change for the better, on their own without counseling, etc. It'd take a God shaking experience. I say it is sad, because I believed people at a time. now I am so sketchy about what people tell me because of all the lies from people. Maybe there is some good in people still? Maybe there is some good left in the world? We will find out some day. So, God of Peace. The Comforter, please comfort all those who really need you now and your healing touch!
Thus the story of the lost baby!
The first day I lost a patient, I was in the NICU. I looked down at this once breathing baby who was now lifeless. I cried from within. Why God? Where are you now? Her mind screamed out. She handed this dead baby to it's parents as they took him to hold him they sobbed. And again she asked Why God? Who are You? A still small voice came to her and said I am the God of Isaiah. I Am Who I Am. And then she knew He was there with them. When the parents gave the baby back and as they continued to sob over their lost child, and she cried with them on the inside she asked OK, Now God, where are You? Who are You? She had started to undress the baby and she washed the baby and clothes him again. Right before she took him to the morgue she heard that faithful voice again. I am Your Comforter and Peace on times of trial. So She carried the baby down to lay there with a peace. She had God's peace. Yet we still will never understand why God chooses to take some babies and not others. Why God chooses to let some people get so very hurt and lets others walk away without a care. Where is the God of justice, we all sometimes wonder. Especially when that justice is so big that it seems life can't get worse and it does. The unjust for all those who are dying for no reason. The unjust for those who have cancer. The unjust for the babies in the world whose parents or parent didn't or doesn't want them. The unjust for the death of that innocent child! What is there to gain from all of this? Most likely there will never be an answer and the world will continue as it always has. The evil will become more evil, the saints, God's true Followers will become even more persecuted! And then I stop and ask myself, how often does a person change for the better, on their own without counseling, etc. It'd take a God shaking experience. I say it is sad, because I believed people at a time. now I am so sketchy about what people tell me because of all the lies from people. Maybe there is some good in people still? Maybe there is some good left in the world? We will find out some day. So, God of Peace. The Comforter, please comfort all those who really need you now and your healing touch!
Thus the story of the lost baby!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
A Hairy Situation
So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
A Hairy Situation
So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Free To Be Me Again
So over the course of the day that I spent all my time with Isabella and my mind started to clear. Last night after I put Izzy in her crib, I slowly took down the first wedding planner I had boughten for the wedding. I pulled out the white pen page and slowly turned the pages. The first thing I came across was our flower girls, and slowly I whited out the other name next to Alexis. I continued to erase and get rid of all the info he'd given to me and all the things he'd written in it. It brought back our conversations of him wanting Scott as his best man because K.C. was it before. Either way both names are now gone along with the wedding date and anything to have to deal with the wedding. The last thing I deleted forever was how they were going to announce us after the wedding. Erasing that, I knew then as much as my heart may have hoped for another miracle, it would never happen. And looking at our beautiful girls face brings mixed emotions. But mostly, she is so unique and her smiles light up everyone's world that it doesn't matter any longer.
I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.
So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!
She's growing up so fast! : (
I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.
So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!
She's growing up so fast! : (
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Cruise, I am so happy
Hi Friends. It's been resolved! Thank goodness!
On to way better note! I went on a cruise yesterday! I didn't know anyone to begin with and yet it was by far the most fun I've had in years! I met every type of person there was! And became friends with a few! We had such a blast! We even got to play pool and darts, and dance and have a few drink and eat some great mexican! We celebrated cino de mayo early! But I can tell that some of these people are truly amazing and we'll be life friends! Ironic how there is every type of person there! I hung out with what they call the medical crowd! LOL! It just must come naturally because I liked them before I knew what they did! It's an amazing group, and you no what, every single type of person was there! The most amazing thing is I got to be me. Just me. The fun-loving, lout-going me I haven't been in years and years and years! I wasn't someone's ex or mom, I was just a person like the rest of them and was accepted for who I am! And wouldn't you know it the guys I hung out with chose me to be a part of them! And they are the cool guys that everyone loves and is drawn to. Know what I mean? And the cutest one and I got along great! The crowd was mostly upper 30's which is great! Way more fun and has been through life and is mature yet silly! One guy, is just like Dane Cook! I was in tears laughing all night! So anyhow, I'm learning how to be me again. Just me! I don't have to try to impress anyone, and I didn't have to hide behind the whole mom thing like I usually do w/ guys.
But at the end of the night, when I came home and nursed the baby, and she looked up at me with love in her eyes and just grinned and squealed, I knew I had the best of everything! Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen! Maybe one day. But for now, these cool guys who are in the medical field even offered to help me with everything! I'm so stoked! I was just telling my mom I wish I had a guy to study with cuz I'd get it and still have fun! Well gotta run! Time to bathe baby!
In Complete Bliss,
Bri
On to way better note! I went on a cruise yesterday! I didn't know anyone to begin with and yet it was by far the most fun I've had in years! I met every type of person there was! And became friends with a few! We had such a blast! We even got to play pool and darts, and dance and have a few drink and eat some great mexican! We celebrated cino de mayo early! But I can tell that some of these people are truly amazing and we'll be life friends! Ironic how there is every type of person there! I hung out with what they call the medical crowd! LOL! It just must come naturally because I liked them before I knew what they did! It's an amazing group, and you no what, every single type of person was there! The most amazing thing is I got to be me. Just me. The fun-loving, lout-going me I haven't been in years and years and years! I wasn't someone's ex or mom, I was just a person like the rest of them and was accepted for who I am! And wouldn't you know it the guys I hung out with chose me to be a part of them! And they are the cool guys that everyone loves and is drawn to. Know what I mean? And the cutest one and I got along great! The crowd was mostly upper 30's which is great! Way more fun and has been through life and is mature yet silly! One guy, is just like Dane Cook! I was in tears laughing all night! So anyhow, I'm learning how to be me again. Just me! I don't have to try to impress anyone, and I didn't have to hide behind the whole mom thing like I usually do w/ guys.
But at the end of the night, when I came home and nursed the baby, and she looked up at me with love in her eyes and just grinned and squealed, I knew I had the best of everything! Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen! Maybe one day. But for now, these cool guys who are in the medical field even offered to help me with everything! I'm so stoked! I was just telling my mom I wish I had a guy to study with cuz I'd get it and still have fun! Well gotta run! Time to bathe baby!
In Complete Bliss,
Bri
Mooning Over the Water
Oh, something totally funny that I forgot! So, I'm on the second floor of the cruise ship talking to some people and we look out and are admiring Bill Gates' house when some guys went by and started mooing us! LOL! And then one of them fell in the very icy cold water! They had to go back and get the poor guy! But we were all laughing! So a lesson? When you're drinking, keep your pants up! HA! : )
I gotta say, it was a ton of fun dancing and chatting on the top deck with the wind blowing through my golden curls, and having the midst mix with the light rain that graced our smiling faces and happy souls! Then we caught it! A glimpse of the sun finally poked through the clouds and dark sky! And I sat their basking in the rays thinking this is one of the best days I've ever had! That I was able to go out on my own and just make the best of it and know at the end of that night something amazing would happen! And it did! Well That's all for now! Gotta run!
Happy in Bliss,
Bri
I gotta say, it was a ton of fun dancing and chatting on the top deck with the wind blowing through my golden curls, and having the midst mix with the light rain that graced our smiling faces and happy souls! Then we caught it! A glimpse of the sun finally poked through the clouds and dark sky! And I sat their basking in the rays thinking this is one of the best days I've ever had! That I was able to go out on my own and just make the best of it and know at the end of that night something amazing would happen! And it did! Well That's all for now! Gotta run!
Happy in Bliss,
Bri
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
