So over the course of the day that I spent all my time with Isabella and my mind started to clear. Last night after I put Izzy in her crib, I slowly took down the first wedding planner I had boughten for the wedding. I pulled out the white pen page and slowly turned the pages. The first thing I came across was our flower girls, and slowly I whited out the other name next to Alexis. I continued to erase and get rid of all the info he'd given to me and all the things he'd written in it. It brought back our conversations of him wanting Scott as his best man because K.C. was it before. Either way both names are now gone along with the wedding date and anything to have to deal with the wedding. The last thing I deleted forever was how they were going to announce us after the wedding. Erasing that, I knew then as much as my heart may have hoped for another miracle, it would never happen. And looking at our beautiful girls face brings mixed emotions. But mostly, she is so unique and her smiles light up everyone's world that it doesn't matter any longer.
I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.
So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!
She's growing up so fast! : (
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