Hi All! So yes, life is a bit crazy! We all have very busy days! But I am working very hard on a few things.
1. My New Years Resolution. I'll soon announce what it is. But it's Life Challenging to say the least! Much harder than Surfing! LOL!
2. Something my husband has encouraged me to do. Write a book. I may keep this to myself, but others have encouraged me to publish it. Only time and God will tell me what to do.
3. For now life is good.
For the time being, I cannot put anymore pictures up. I'm sorry. They will be up when the time is permitted. For privacy sake I must refrain. But I can tell you of our great adventures! I can paint the pictures with word.
Gotta run.
Will write soon
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Living in a nightmare! Please Pray!
Hi all. I have been so busy lately that I have not written. And quite honestly, I've been a little choosy about what I do write these days. But this story needs to be told. I can only pray that God is not too busy to hear me. And thank you for taking the time to read this!
Shocked,
Bri
Have you ever thought to yourself, This is such a nightmare and wonder when you are going to wake up and life gets back to what you'd call normal? Have you ever had one of those dreams where you knew it was a dream but couldn't wake and were so glad when you did? Have you out of the blue had your whole entire world turned upide down that you just cried out, God where are You?
I am walking in a nightmare. It's one I can't wake up from. In fact I pray all the time I wish I could. When I try to sleep, my sleep becomes restless filled with more dreams of this nightmare that is actually a reality now. So my brain refuses to sleep now. I am literally so exhausted my eyes burn and I just want one minute of a peaceful rest. But that moment may be months away now.
Let me explain. My ex, Isabella's father, has decided he does not want to pay child support or help out with daycare, medical, etc. So he's decided to throw several horrible false accusations against me and my character. Things I detest, he says I did/do. But the low down part about this is he filed this all with the court. He presented things that NEVER even happened. And the worse part, is because he has absolutely no medical rights to his daughter (long story but you'd agree after hearing this he shouldn't have ANY rights!), he actually convinced Isabella's doctor to turn me into CPS for fear of the safety and health of Isabella. I am so furious! The doctor I took my daughter to, the doctor that I trusted the care of my baby girl to, the doctor that told me for several months she does know something is wrong with Isabella, she even ordered several tests, had her admitted, and sent to the ER on HER orders, is now trying to say nothing was wrong with her and that I was making up her being sick. HOW DARE SHE! This man, her father a chronic alcoholic, liar, etc, convinced her, that she was better off out of my custody. A man who he himself claims he wants full custody yet never tried once to see her with the supervisor he made me pay for so he could see her. It's not about Isabella to him, though he claims it is, it's about the money. He called her doctor several times leaving absurd messages that apparently warrented the call to CPS against me. Back in the beginning of Feb. I changed doctors. My last conversation with this doctor is that Isabella was finally doing better and getting her appetite back! But I also had that feeling that I needed to switch doctors. One to whom her father could NOT manipulate. But it was too late. I don't know if it was her pride or what, but she decided a month later, the beginning of this month to turn me in for several untrue accusations.
Both my parents and Lee can and will testify to how sick Isabella was. That I was not making it up. Even her charts all state that she was yet no one knew why. My faith in her and Marybridge deteriorated rapidly. It wasn't until I went to children's that I had a peace of mind. They took me seriously. Enough to put tubes in and take out her atnoids. She had that surgery done this week. They said they were inflamed and swollen. So I was right! Something was wrong!
What angers me is that while I was at Isabella's doctor last week her father called there while I was there and said he was my "husband and even said his last name was the same as mine!" He told two of the nurses that! I was furious!! He was at it again! So I went to the court that day to get a copy of the parenting plan that states he has no medical rights and can't have any info for them. However, what I found put me into this nightmare.
He filed a court order against me. However, I wasn't sure the severity of it at the time. I didn't even know he'd convinced the doctor Isabella was "unsafe" with me! It wasn't until this Wednesday I did. In his final statement he states he is concerned for the health and safety of Isabella and even the doctors are to the point of turning me into CPS. I was shaking I was so angry. First how would he know and I not know? I had no clue. Talk about being blind sided!
I just moved in a little over a month ago so it's not like everything is perfect but now on top of stressing about things, I have to have it pretty much foster care perfect every day! I was told one dish in the sink and they can write you up as a filthy kitchen! Or toys on the floor and the house itself is filthy! Now Lee is OCD about cleaning house but he said even this is rediculous! The job of these people is to take the children away no matter what! It's their job, how they make their money so they have to meet their quota. And ironically most of the children that are taken away are like me. A case where the other parent is angry! So they give false accusations! This ruins the lives of the children.
I am now being told that I have NO rights in WA! That at any time they can and will interigate my children into saying whatever they want them to say for the court against us! Where is the right to protect your children? They are minors! They are babies! Because of this jerk and this doctor who shouldn't have her license (seriously, she never once thought to look up his record, which if you go to WA Court search and put it in there are Infractions and criminal infractions from 94-08! All alcohol and drugs!) So she seriously wants Isabella taken from a loving home, of a mommy and lee is the only daddy she knows and her sister and brother and be put into his care? Was she seriously even awake? Did she not for one minute think of the consequences of her actions? Seriously! My other 2 are now in jepordy as well, thanks to her, and they are so tramatized from my divorce and whatnot this can emotionally kill them! They are only 5 and 7! My son is so afraid he got himself sick! Literally. He is throwing up and running a temp of 105. My daughter refuses to leave my side now. All I can keep telling them is that mommy loves them and I will try to be there for them! I keep telling them don't EVER answer the door or look through te blinds. And also NEVER to talk to any strangers and to tell them to tell whoever tries to get them to talk to say I want my mommy. And just keep saying that! How do you tell your children they can be taken away for something that someone else twists their words about. They are 5 and 7! And the worse part is because Michael now goes to a public school they have the right to interigate him there! If he was at a private school they couldn't! WA state laws are so twisted! So now I am worried sick about all 3 of my kids. This will hurt them forever!
I asked her when and why. She was extemely vague. But as Lee says he was there when she said something was wrong. And why just now is she doing this? I believe it's because I switched doctors and practices! Whatever it takes I will not rest if something happens to my babies! They are my life! I love my children and would give my life for them! I am so angry because I vowed to never let anything bad happen to them and because of Isabella's father and the doctor they may get taken away! But it won't be for long! Because I can promise you this! If anything happens to any of them I will sue the doctor and her father! I will make sure she understands the reprocusions of hurting children! She is hurting 3 innocent children! I don't have the money for a lawyer, but I will find it somehow! I will not rest until I have them all safe in my house far far away from her malpractice and Isabella's father! I asked her doctor how can a parent trust to go to a doctor when their child is very sick if they turn them in for caring about their child? She had no real answers. I asked her if it's even smart to trust a doctor if they all practice medicine as she has? Again nothing. I told her I as Isabella's mother was concerned for the health of my child. I just wanted real answers as to why she was so sick! I learned that at EVERY doctor APPT no matter what kind you ask for the full report before leaving. Not some summary. Because they can and do destroy records to cover their butt! So now I am fighting losing not only my baby, but my other 2. And they are so fragile! It will liteally kill them emotionally, and on those grounds alone there is a HUGE lawsuit! But at this time, I need prayer! We need prayer! Those kids need so much extra love and attention especially now, because now I don't know when the last time I will see them is. I don't know if the last time I drop my son off to school if I won't see him again. So I am scared to death. I sob at night because I can't ever let my children see how scared I truly am! I don't sleep. Every noise outside now scares me. I am afraid to take them anywhere for the fact that we can be followed and taken from me. There were 2 times they were missing. Mikey was literally taken in Disneyland when he was 3. They have a great staff for getting him back, but let me assure you ALWAYS, ALWAYS keep an updated pic of your children with you at all times! They said it's best to have it taken monthly and just keep that in with you, with their name, age, height and weight on it! And the other time when Alexis was missing at a park in Sacramento when I was with a good friend. He found her after us looking everywhere and shouting for her. Long story but even that drove the fear of fatherhood into him he said! It literally does. When you no longer have your children and you can't protect them, the world stops, you can't breath and all you can think about is them. What's happening to them? Are they OK? Will I ever see them again? If so will they be alive? My scary thought is I know my children all 3 of them won't be able to handle being out of mommy's home even for a day! All I can see is their scared faces as I kissed them goodnight! How is it that a child, so young has to be so scared? This is all because of the doctor's call about things that weren't true!!
So now as I try to sleep, I can't. I walk around the house in a daze still cleaning making sure everything is perfect. I've checked on them several times as they've all cried out in their sleep once already tonight! I keep making sure they are safe in their beds! I now can't imagine what it must feel like to have your child taken from you without notice! I never know! Where is God now? Please someone tell me. Because I keep trusting Him and this happens. I keep thinking that in faith the doctor will retract her accusations as well as Isabella's dad. But I am also not stupid. So I sit here with tears, crying out to God to protect us. Help us. And to put complete blinders on the people that work for CPS, that the case is "lost!" At this point my parents said I need as much prayer as possible. Prayer for peace and protection for the children and I! Because if they see how scared I am, they will get even more so! So please, please, please, please pray God intervenes! I asked my mom if it was OK that to pray that God punishes her father, but I guess there are no real answers!
Anyhow, I am completely shocked and now yet again I am at the mercy of God! I pray someday soon God hears my cries!
In Agony,
Bri
Shocked,
Bri
Have you ever thought to yourself, This is such a nightmare and wonder when you are going to wake up and life gets back to what you'd call normal? Have you ever had one of those dreams where you knew it was a dream but couldn't wake and were so glad when you did? Have you out of the blue had your whole entire world turned upide down that you just cried out, God where are You?
I am walking in a nightmare. It's one I can't wake up from. In fact I pray all the time I wish I could. When I try to sleep, my sleep becomes restless filled with more dreams of this nightmare that is actually a reality now. So my brain refuses to sleep now. I am literally so exhausted my eyes burn and I just want one minute of a peaceful rest. But that moment may be months away now.
Let me explain. My ex, Isabella's father, has decided he does not want to pay child support or help out with daycare, medical, etc. So he's decided to throw several horrible false accusations against me and my character. Things I detest, he says I did/do. But the low down part about this is he filed this all with the court. He presented things that NEVER even happened. And the worse part, is because he has absolutely no medical rights to his daughter (long story but you'd agree after hearing this he shouldn't have ANY rights!), he actually convinced Isabella's doctor to turn me into CPS for fear of the safety and health of Isabella. I am so furious! The doctor I took my daughter to, the doctor that I trusted the care of my baby girl to, the doctor that told me for several months she does know something is wrong with Isabella, she even ordered several tests, had her admitted, and sent to the ER on HER orders, is now trying to say nothing was wrong with her and that I was making up her being sick. HOW DARE SHE! This man, her father a chronic alcoholic, liar, etc, convinced her, that she was better off out of my custody. A man who he himself claims he wants full custody yet never tried once to see her with the supervisor he made me pay for so he could see her. It's not about Isabella to him, though he claims it is, it's about the money. He called her doctor several times leaving absurd messages that apparently warrented the call to CPS against me. Back in the beginning of Feb. I changed doctors. My last conversation with this doctor is that Isabella was finally doing better and getting her appetite back! But I also had that feeling that I needed to switch doctors. One to whom her father could NOT manipulate. But it was too late. I don't know if it was her pride or what, but she decided a month later, the beginning of this month to turn me in for several untrue accusations.
Both my parents and Lee can and will testify to how sick Isabella was. That I was not making it up. Even her charts all state that she was yet no one knew why. My faith in her and Marybridge deteriorated rapidly. It wasn't until I went to children's that I had a peace of mind. They took me seriously. Enough to put tubes in and take out her atnoids. She had that surgery done this week. They said they were inflamed and swollen. So I was right! Something was wrong!
What angers me is that while I was at Isabella's doctor last week her father called there while I was there and said he was my "husband and even said his last name was the same as mine!" He told two of the nurses that! I was furious!! He was at it again! So I went to the court that day to get a copy of the parenting plan that states he has no medical rights and can't have any info for them. However, what I found put me into this nightmare.
He filed a court order against me. However, I wasn't sure the severity of it at the time. I didn't even know he'd convinced the doctor Isabella was "unsafe" with me! It wasn't until this Wednesday I did. In his final statement he states he is concerned for the health and safety of Isabella and even the doctors are to the point of turning me into CPS. I was shaking I was so angry. First how would he know and I not know? I had no clue. Talk about being blind sided!
I just moved in a little over a month ago so it's not like everything is perfect but now on top of stressing about things, I have to have it pretty much foster care perfect every day! I was told one dish in the sink and they can write you up as a filthy kitchen! Or toys on the floor and the house itself is filthy! Now Lee is OCD about cleaning house but he said even this is rediculous! The job of these people is to take the children away no matter what! It's their job, how they make their money so they have to meet their quota. And ironically most of the children that are taken away are like me. A case where the other parent is angry! So they give false accusations! This ruins the lives of the children.
I am now being told that I have NO rights in WA! That at any time they can and will interigate my children into saying whatever they want them to say for the court against us! Where is the right to protect your children? They are minors! They are babies! Because of this jerk and this doctor who shouldn't have her license (seriously, she never once thought to look up his record, which if you go to WA Court search and put it in there are Infractions and criminal infractions from 94-08! All alcohol and drugs!) So she seriously wants Isabella taken from a loving home, of a mommy and lee is the only daddy she knows and her sister and brother and be put into his care? Was she seriously even awake? Did she not for one minute think of the consequences of her actions? Seriously! My other 2 are now in jepordy as well, thanks to her, and they are so tramatized from my divorce and whatnot this can emotionally kill them! They are only 5 and 7! My son is so afraid he got himself sick! Literally. He is throwing up and running a temp of 105. My daughter refuses to leave my side now. All I can keep telling them is that mommy loves them and I will try to be there for them! I keep telling them don't EVER answer the door or look through te blinds. And also NEVER to talk to any strangers and to tell them to tell whoever tries to get them to talk to say I want my mommy. And just keep saying that! How do you tell your children they can be taken away for something that someone else twists their words about. They are 5 and 7! And the worse part is because Michael now goes to a public school they have the right to interigate him there! If he was at a private school they couldn't! WA state laws are so twisted! So now I am worried sick about all 3 of my kids. This will hurt them forever!
I asked her when and why. She was extemely vague. But as Lee says he was there when she said something was wrong. And why just now is she doing this? I believe it's because I switched doctors and practices! Whatever it takes I will not rest if something happens to my babies! They are my life! I love my children and would give my life for them! I am so angry because I vowed to never let anything bad happen to them and because of Isabella's father and the doctor they may get taken away! But it won't be for long! Because I can promise you this! If anything happens to any of them I will sue the doctor and her father! I will make sure she understands the reprocusions of hurting children! She is hurting 3 innocent children! I don't have the money for a lawyer, but I will find it somehow! I will not rest until I have them all safe in my house far far away from her malpractice and Isabella's father! I asked her doctor how can a parent trust to go to a doctor when their child is very sick if they turn them in for caring about their child? She had no real answers. I asked her if it's even smart to trust a doctor if they all practice medicine as she has? Again nothing. I told her I as Isabella's mother was concerned for the health of my child. I just wanted real answers as to why she was so sick! I learned that at EVERY doctor APPT no matter what kind you ask for the full report before leaving. Not some summary. Because they can and do destroy records to cover their butt! So now I am fighting losing not only my baby, but my other 2. And they are so fragile! It will liteally kill them emotionally, and on those grounds alone there is a HUGE lawsuit! But at this time, I need prayer! We need prayer! Those kids need so much extra love and attention especially now, because now I don't know when the last time I will see them is. I don't know if the last time I drop my son off to school if I won't see him again. So I am scared to death. I sob at night because I can't ever let my children see how scared I truly am! I don't sleep. Every noise outside now scares me. I am afraid to take them anywhere for the fact that we can be followed and taken from me. There were 2 times they were missing. Mikey was literally taken in Disneyland when he was 3. They have a great staff for getting him back, but let me assure you ALWAYS, ALWAYS keep an updated pic of your children with you at all times! They said it's best to have it taken monthly and just keep that in with you, with their name, age, height and weight on it! And the other time when Alexis was missing at a park in Sacramento when I was with a good friend. He found her after us looking everywhere and shouting for her. Long story but even that drove the fear of fatherhood into him he said! It literally does. When you no longer have your children and you can't protect them, the world stops, you can't breath and all you can think about is them. What's happening to them? Are they OK? Will I ever see them again? If so will they be alive? My scary thought is I know my children all 3 of them won't be able to handle being out of mommy's home even for a day! All I can see is their scared faces as I kissed them goodnight! How is it that a child, so young has to be so scared? This is all because of the doctor's call about things that weren't true!!
So now as I try to sleep, I can't. I walk around the house in a daze still cleaning making sure everything is perfect. I've checked on them several times as they've all cried out in their sleep once already tonight! I keep making sure they are safe in their beds! I now can't imagine what it must feel like to have your child taken from you without notice! I never know! Where is God now? Please someone tell me. Because I keep trusting Him and this happens. I keep thinking that in faith the doctor will retract her accusations as well as Isabella's dad. But I am also not stupid. So I sit here with tears, crying out to God to protect us. Help us. And to put complete blinders on the people that work for CPS, that the case is "lost!" At this point my parents said I need as much prayer as possible. Prayer for peace and protection for the children and I! Because if they see how scared I am, they will get even more so! So please, please, please, please pray God intervenes! I asked my mom if it was OK that to pray that God punishes her father, but I guess there are no real answers!
Anyhow, I am completely shocked and now yet again I am at the mercy of God! I pray someday soon God hears my cries!
In Agony,
Bri
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Lovin Life and my Folks
Good Morning! Isn't today a wonderful day?! Well I think so! There is so much to be grateful for! Things are going ok! And I have my parents to help me with the children! I couldn't do it without them! Next year The older two will be in school, but Izzy will only be a year! There will come a day when they all will be, but until then, my folks are helping me so I can get through school, and make a new life for us! So, I just wanted to say thanks to them and say how much I truly appreciate them and love them! I hope that I will be as loving and compassionate to my children as my parents are to me and my brother and sisters!
Well, Gotta run!
Loving Life!
BTW, What Happens in Vegas! Great Movie, tons of laughs! I would buy it!
Bri
Well, Gotta run!
Loving Life!
BTW, What Happens in Vegas! Great Movie, tons of laughs! I would buy it!
Bri
Life is so amazing
So just a quick note! The summer is flying by! I am done with Biology and am back to Chem for July! I loved Bio! Chem is a headache! Sigh! So. . . I am a very lucky gal! I have recently engaged into a relationship that is pleaasing to God. We have a really open and honest relationship. He knows all about Izzy's father and I and what happened. It did take him a while to understand why I want to wait until I am married to have sex again! So instead of that we now read devotions together, as well as with the kids. We found a great church together, that we both love! It's been pretty amazing!! We have family game night at least 2ce a week! He has really gotten to love the kids and knows the worse of their behaviors and told me that because he is so in love with their mommy, he's not going anywhere. : ) He really adores Izzy and spoils her like his lil princess. He's hoping that her daddy will flake and not want her so all she'll know is him. LOL! Talk about becoming attached. Anyhow, I told him I want to still take things slow and wait til I am out of school to marry and whatnot. I don't want another repeat. Besides, I have to much to focus on right now! He understands! We just got back from camping in Eastern WA! It was adorable taking Bella fishing on the boat and stuff! We are heading to California in August! Yeah! Well better run! I'm so happy these days! I am glad we're doing things the right way. That was my downfall with Izzy's dad. I want God at the center of everything! So things really are different.
Lovin life,
Bri
Lovin life,
Bri
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Life These Days
Hi! So life's suddenly gotten way more serious. I am now in summer school, and let me tell ya, it'll kick your butt, if you are not completely serious! I am meeting a ton of cool new people though!
So, things have been going good with us. Our 1 month anniversary from our first official date was yesterday! He even texted me to say happy 1 month! I've never had that, so it's really sweet! He came over Friday, and we watched Dan in Real Life! LOL! How real is that?! He also held Isabella and is falling in love with my little princess! At the same time she is really drawn to him! : ) Whenever we are around, she is now holding out her arms to him for him to take her! She is so very fascinated with him! And she doesn't really know any other man except my dad, because hers has been absent in her life since late December. He is now saying he wants to be a part of her life, but to me actions speak louder than words!
Yesterday, Mike went on his Royal Rangers drag race trip! He loved it! He got to drive a dragster and learn how to change the tire and work in the pit and stuff! So cool! I wish I could go! They even had a bon fire! The leaders were pretty cool! It is like boy scouts but with God as the center!
Alexis played soccer! It was so cold she just stood there. . . So she ended up in goal! LOL! She was better at that! After that we all went out for breakfast to a cute cafe in stadium district! Isabella loves french toast with syrup! LOL! Then Alexis went with Papa "grandpa" for a walk and to the library and Isabella, my mom and I went to Walmart to go shopping. Time to get stuff! LOL!
Then we came home and Izzy had tummy time, well she's learned to roll over, so she had rolling time! Then I picked up Mike from Life Christian and he and I went to Target for some other stuff! Then we came home and I studied! And because I am not feeling well these days, I went to bed early.
So today, is a study day cuz there is a HUGE test tomorrow! Yikes! Well, That's kinda our life these days. Only one more week of Soccer, then baseball season is upon us! Yeah! And Izzy's first swim lessons! HMM!
Well, better run, shower time and time to get ready for church!
Love this happy girl!
Bri
So, things have been going good with us. Our 1 month anniversary from our first official date was yesterday! He even texted me to say happy 1 month! I've never had that, so it's really sweet! He came over Friday, and we watched Dan in Real Life! LOL! How real is that?! He also held Isabella and is falling in love with my little princess! At the same time she is really drawn to him! : ) Whenever we are around, she is now holding out her arms to him for him to take her! She is so very fascinated with him! And she doesn't really know any other man except my dad, because hers has been absent in her life since late December. He is now saying he wants to be a part of her life, but to me actions speak louder than words!
Yesterday, Mike went on his Royal Rangers drag race trip! He loved it! He got to drive a dragster and learn how to change the tire and work in the pit and stuff! So cool! I wish I could go! They even had a bon fire! The leaders were pretty cool! It is like boy scouts but with God as the center!
Alexis played soccer! It was so cold she just stood there. . . So she ended up in goal! LOL! She was better at that! After that we all went out for breakfast to a cute cafe in stadium district! Isabella loves french toast with syrup! LOL! Then Alexis went with Papa "grandpa" for a walk and to the library and Isabella, my mom and I went to Walmart to go shopping. Time to get stuff! LOL!
Then we came home and Izzy had tummy time, well she's learned to roll over, so she had rolling time! Then I picked up Mike from Life Christian and he and I went to Target for some other stuff! Then we came home and I studied! And because I am not feeling well these days, I went to bed early.
So today, is a study day cuz there is a HUGE test tomorrow! Yikes! Well, That's kinda our life these days. Only one more week of Soccer, then baseball season is upon us! Yeah! And Izzy's first swim lessons! HMM!
Well, better run, shower time and time to get ready for church!
Love this happy girl!
Bri
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Life Is Amazing
Hi! Life has been 100% amazing! I met a great guy and we've been having a ton of fun! Fun I haven't had in years! We've had some great laughs together and he loves all 3 of the kids! He doesn't have any of his own so Isabella is new to him! It's so cute seeing him with her and she has just been our lil entertainment! LOL! She is a riot!
She goes everywhere with us now! And let's see we are attending an awesome church in Seattle! And we both love it so that is a huge thing! And after we always try to go and do something new and different! Today he took us to have cupcakes and they were heavenly! We even got some for Michael and Alexis! We then went to Mexican right by his place off of stadium! Yummy! But we have a ton of plans for the summer! And we plan to take the children on many cool adventures! He even came to their soccer game yesterday! He's getting to do all the stuff a dad does! Then he Izzy and I went to a cool lil place in south tacoma to eat!
Right now They only know him as mommy's friend. I will keep it like that unless things get super serious! But we are taking it slow. But for now things are great! And he knows my boundaries. I am never going back down that road again until I am married! It will be tuff but that is what I feel is right!
Well better run! I am uploading the pics of Izzy and stuff!
Lovin Life,
Bri
She goes everywhere with us now! And let's see we are attending an awesome church in Seattle! And we both love it so that is a huge thing! And after we always try to go and do something new and different! Today he took us to have cupcakes and they were heavenly! We even got some for Michael and Alexis! We then went to Mexican right by his place off of stadium! Yummy! But we have a ton of plans for the summer! And we plan to take the children on many cool adventures! He even came to their soccer game yesterday! He's getting to do all the stuff a dad does! Then he Izzy and I went to a cool lil place in south tacoma to eat!
Right now They only know him as mommy's friend. I will keep it like that unless things get super serious! But we are taking it slow. But for now things are great! And he knows my boundaries. I am never going back down that road again until I am married! It will be tuff but that is what I feel is right!
Well better run! I am uploading the pics of Izzy and stuff!
Lovin Life,
Bri
Thursday, May 22, 2008
What Really Happened
Hi! So today was well, interesting. He did meet my girls today. We did meet for lunch at Red Robin, instead. Though they met him as my friend. I am not going down that whole road again. And well, Alexis was Alexis. He thought the baby was pretty easy going and said she's so adorable. And of course we were stopped by people adoring Isabella. He laughed and said I must be use to it. He said I have the cutest kids! Then he met Mike. We picked him up from school. Then we headed to get stuff for my car. And well he saw Mike in his mommy I want this car mood! LOL! So, he's seen it all. And well if he calls me or texts me in the morning like he always has, well, that will prove he doesn't scare easily. LOL!
But yes, I am still guarded. Very very guarded and for very good reason. I do NOT want to be that girl again. No more wide eyed and innocent. She was killed sometime within the past year. I don't think I'll ever go into another relationship with as much trust and innocence as I had. Though, I am leaning how to slowly open up again. The fun me is back! He brings that out in me!
So anyhow, I must get a million things done! And well, I am literally exhausted. But still smiling with my girls!
And yes, there are other things going on in my life. Important things. Things that no one should have to go through or fear. But I just can only pray things get better. Anyhow, I'd better go sleep now.
Loving Jesus,
Bri
But yes, I am still guarded. Very very guarded and for very good reason. I do NOT want to be that girl again. No more wide eyed and innocent. She was killed sometime within the past year. I don't think I'll ever go into another relationship with as much trust and innocence as I had. Though, I am leaning how to slowly open up again. The fun me is back! He brings that out in me!
So anyhow, I must get a million things done! And well, I am literally exhausted. But still smiling with my girls!
And yes, there are other things going on in my life. Important things. Things that no one should have to go through or fear. But I just can only pray things get better. Anyhow, I'd better go sleep now.
Loving Jesus,
Bri
Life is awesome and amazing
Hi! I have been pretty happy these days! Life has been looking good! I am finally done with finals which is a HUGE plus! But alas, summer classes start in a week! : (
And let's see, the kids are playing soccer again! Boy has Alexis improved! And hmmm. . . Oh yes, she had her ballet recital! It was so amazingly CUTE! I can't wait til next year at the pantages! And Lexi has twisted my arm, so I am now going to be dancing again too! I think That I may be able to convince Mike to do Tap with her! She will be doing Ballet, Tap and Creative Movement with me! I may get Mike into hip hop as well! Who knows! Dance is good for all ages and both genders! I myself, am being pulled back into Ballet (Possibly point?), Tap, Jazz and Creative movement with Alexis! We shall see how it all works out though! But I am excited! I missed dancing! And the guy I am seeing is really encouraging it! Yeah!
He really is bringing out my youthfulness again! We have a joke about me wearing matchable browns! Which if you know me, know it has to be as such! LOL! So far it's been amazing! We've gone to a couple of movies and had coffee and to Seattle together! I guess the big question will be if he goes to church with me! LOL! But we've had the "talk." Because he is in the medical field and loves it here and I have no idea where live will take me and for how long! Today he may meet my girls! We have yet to get that figured out! But we might take them for Pizza for lunch!
Speaking of girls. . . Isabella failed her hearing test! She has to go to a specialist now! : ( She is congested in both ears now! Poor lil Ms. . . . But she is growing like a rose! She is now 26 inches and only 14 pounds! She sure is my sunshine!
So that's my life these days! Nothing too new but it's been exciting! I may even move to the Tacoma area! HMMM! I have no idea where things will go. But I am excited! Well better run for now.
Lovin Life,
Bri
And let's see, the kids are playing soccer again! Boy has Alexis improved! And hmmm. . . Oh yes, she had her ballet recital! It was so amazingly CUTE! I can't wait til next year at the pantages! And Lexi has twisted my arm, so I am now going to be dancing again too! I think That I may be able to convince Mike to do Tap with her! She will be doing Ballet, Tap and Creative Movement with me! I may get Mike into hip hop as well! Who knows! Dance is good for all ages and both genders! I myself, am being pulled back into Ballet (Possibly point?), Tap, Jazz and Creative movement with Alexis! We shall see how it all works out though! But I am excited! I missed dancing! And the guy I am seeing is really encouraging it! Yeah!
He really is bringing out my youthfulness again! We have a joke about me wearing matchable browns! Which if you know me, know it has to be as such! LOL! So far it's been amazing! We've gone to a couple of movies and had coffee and to Seattle together! I guess the big question will be if he goes to church with me! LOL! But we've had the "talk." Because he is in the medical field and loves it here and I have no idea where live will take me and for how long! Today he may meet my girls! We have yet to get that figured out! But we might take them for Pizza for lunch!
Speaking of girls. . . Isabella failed her hearing test! She has to go to a specialist now! : ( She is congested in both ears now! Poor lil Ms. . . . But she is growing like a rose! She is now 26 inches and only 14 pounds! She sure is my sunshine!
So that's my life these days! Nothing too new but it's been exciting! I may even move to the Tacoma area! HMMM! I have no idea where things will go. But I am excited! Well better run for now.
Lovin Life,
Bri
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Content
Hey all! Life is great! I'm happy again and I am getting a chance to be me! YEAH! Though, I still love my lil ones! And I can't wait to get home to see Izzy cuz well she needs to nurse! LOL! So anyhow, I'd better run cuz I have a call to return and I am tired these days!
Content,
Bri
Content,
Bri
Monday, May 5, 2008
A Baby Dies, Realization
I was sitting in the audience of the pinning of nurses for NWU's 08' pinning, when a student speaker got up to talk! What came next, I never expected to hear. But to this day, her words still ring true within my own soul.
The first day I lost a patient, I was in the NICU. I looked down at this once breathing baby who was now lifeless. I cried from within. Why God? Where are you now? Her mind screamed out. She handed this dead baby to it's parents as they took him to hold him they sobbed. And again she asked Why God? Who are You? A still small voice came to her and said I am the God of Isaiah. I Am Who I Am. And then she knew He was there with them. When the parents gave the baby back and as they continued to sob over their lost child, and she cried with them on the inside she asked OK, Now God, where are You? Who are You? She had started to undress the baby and she washed the baby and clothes him again. Right before she took him to the morgue she heard that faithful voice again. I am Your Comforter and Peace on times of trial. So She carried the baby down to lay there with a peace. She had God's peace. Yet we still will never understand why God chooses to take some babies and not others. Why God chooses to let some people get so very hurt and lets others walk away without a care. Where is the God of justice, we all sometimes wonder. Especially when that justice is so big that it seems life can't get worse and it does. The unjust for all those who are dying for no reason. The unjust for those who have cancer. The unjust for the babies in the world whose parents or parent didn't or doesn't want them. The unjust for the death of that innocent child! What is there to gain from all of this? Most likely there will never be an answer and the world will continue as it always has. The evil will become more evil, the saints, God's true Followers will become even more persecuted! And then I stop and ask myself, how often does a person change for the better, on their own without counseling, etc. It'd take a God shaking experience. I say it is sad, because I believed people at a time. now I am so sketchy about what people tell me because of all the lies from people. Maybe there is some good in people still? Maybe there is some good left in the world? We will find out some day. So, God of Peace. The Comforter, please comfort all those who really need you now and your healing touch!
Thus the story of the lost baby!
The first day I lost a patient, I was in the NICU. I looked down at this once breathing baby who was now lifeless. I cried from within. Why God? Where are you now? Her mind screamed out. She handed this dead baby to it's parents as they took him to hold him they sobbed. And again she asked Why God? Who are You? A still small voice came to her and said I am the God of Isaiah. I Am Who I Am. And then she knew He was there with them. When the parents gave the baby back and as they continued to sob over their lost child, and she cried with them on the inside she asked OK, Now God, where are You? Who are You? She had started to undress the baby and she washed the baby and clothes him again. Right before she took him to the morgue she heard that faithful voice again. I am Your Comforter and Peace on times of trial. So She carried the baby down to lay there with a peace. She had God's peace. Yet we still will never understand why God chooses to take some babies and not others. Why God chooses to let some people get so very hurt and lets others walk away without a care. Where is the God of justice, we all sometimes wonder. Especially when that justice is so big that it seems life can't get worse and it does. The unjust for all those who are dying for no reason. The unjust for those who have cancer. The unjust for the babies in the world whose parents or parent didn't or doesn't want them. The unjust for the death of that innocent child! What is there to gain from all of this? Most likely there will never be an answer and the world will continue as it always has. The evil will become more evil, the saints, God's true Followers will become even more persecuted! And then I stop and ask myself, how often does a person change for the better, on their own without counseling, etc. It'd take a God shaking experience. I say it is sad, because I believed people at a time. now I am so sketchy about what people tell me because of all the lies from people. Maybe there is some good in people still? Maybe there is some good left in the world? We will find out some day. So, God of Peace. The Comforter, please comfort all those who really need you now and your healing touch!
Thus the story of the lost baby!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
A Hairy Situation
So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
A Hairy Situation
So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Well there's a hairy tale for ya!
Br
Free To Be Me Again
So over the course of the day that I spent all my time with Isabella and my mind started to clear. Last night after I put Izzy in her crib, I slowly took down the first wedding planner I had boughten for the wedding. I pulled out the white pen page and slowly turned the pages. The first thing I came across was our flower girls, and slowly I whited out the other name next to Alexis. I continued to erase and get rid of all the info he'd given to me and all the things he'd written in it. It brought back our conversations of him wanting Scott as his best man because K.C. was it before. Either way both names are now gone along with the wedding date and anything to have to deal with the wedding. The last thing I deleted forever was how they were going to announce us after the wedding. Erasing that, I knew then as much as my heart may have hoped for another miracle, it would never happen. And looking at our beautiful girls face brings mixed emotions. But mostly, she is so unique and her smiles light up everyone's world that it doesn't matter any longer.
I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.
So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!
She's growing up so fast! : (
I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.
So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!
She's growing up so fast! : (
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Cruise, I am so happy
Hi Friends. It's been resolved! Thank goodness!
On to way better note! I went on a cruise yesterday! I didn't know anyone to begin with and yet it was by far the most fun I've had in years! I met every type of person there was! And became friends with a few! We had such a blast! We even got to play pool and darts, and dance and have a few drink and eat some great mexican! We celebrated cino de mayo early! But I can tell that some of these people are truly amazing and we'll be life friends! Ironic how there is every type of person there! I hung out with what they call the medical crowd! LOL! It just must come naturally because I liked them before I knew what they did! It's an amazing group, and you no what, every single type of person was there! The most amazing thing is I got to be me. Just me. The fun-loving, lout-going me I haven't been in years and years and years! I wasn't someone's ex or mom, I was just a person like the rest of them and was accepted for who I am! And wouldn't you know it the guys I hung out with chose me to be a part of them! And they are the cool guys that everyone loves and is drawn to. Know what I mean? And the cutest one and I got along great! The crowd was mostly upper 30's which is great! Way more fun and has been through life and is mature yet silly! One guy, is just like Dane Cook! I was in tears laughing all night! So anyhow, I'm learning how to be me again. Just me! I don't have to try to impress anyone, and I didn't have to hide behind the whole mom thing like I usually do w/ guys.
But at the end of the night, when I came home and nursed the baby, and she looked up at me with love in her eyes and just grinned and squealed, I knew I had the best of everything! Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen! Maybe one day. But for now, these cool guys who are in the medical field even offered to help me with everything! I'm so stoked! I was just telling my mom I wish I had a guy to study with cuz I'd get it and still have fun! Well gotta run! Time to bathe baby!
In Complete Bliss,
Bri
On to way better note! I went on a cruise yesterday! I didn't know anyone to begin with and yet it was by far the most fun I've had in years! I met every type of person there was! And became friends with a few! We had such a blast! We even got to play pool and darts, and dance and have a few drink and eat some great mexican! We celebrated cino de mayo early! But I can tell that some of these people are truly amazing and we'll be life friends! Ironic how there is every type of person there! I hung out with what they call the medical crowd! LOL! It just must come naturally because I liked them before I knew what they did! It's an amazing group, and you no what, every single type of person was there! The most amazing thing is I got to be me. Just me. The fun-loving, lout-going me I haven't been in years and years and years! I wasn't someone's ex or mom, I was just a person like the rest of them and was accepted for who I am! And wouldn't you know it the guys I hung out with chose me to be a part of them! And they are the cool guys that everyone loves and is drawn to. Know what I mean? And the cutest one and I got along great! The crowd was mostly upper 30's which is great! Way more fun and has been through life and is mature yet silly! One guy, is just like Dane Cook! I was in tears laughing all night! So anyhow, I'm learning how to be me again. Just me! I don't have to try to impress anyone, and I didn't have to hide behind the whole mom thing like I usually do w/ guys.
But at the end of the night, when I came home and nursed the baby, and she looked up at me with love in her eyes and just grinned and squealed, I knew I had the best of everything! Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen! Maybe one day. But for now, these cool guys who are in the medical field even offered to help me with everything! I'm so stoked! I was just telling my mom I wish I had a guy to study with cuz I'd get it and still have fun! Well gotta run! Time to bathe baby!
In Complete Bliss,
Bri
Mooning Over the Water
Oh, something totally funny that I forgot! So, I'm on the second floor of the cruise ship talking to some people and we look out and are admiring Bill Gates' house when some guys went by and started mooing us! LOL! And then one of them fell in the very icy cold water! They had to go back and get the poor guy! But we were all laughing! So a lesson? When you're drinking, keep your pants up! HA! : )
I gotta say, it was a ton of fun dancing and chatting on the top deck with the wind blowing through my golden curls, and having the midst mix with the light rain that graced our smiling faces and happy souls! Then we caught it! A glimpse of the sun finally poked through the clouds and dark sky! And I sat their basking in the rays thinking this is one of the best days I've ever had! That I was able to go out on my own and just make the best of it and know at the end of that night something amazing would happen! And it did! Well That's all for now! Gotta run!
Happy in Bliss,
Bri
I gotta say, it was a ton of fun dancing and chatting on the top deck with the wind blowing through my golden curls, and having the midst mix with the light rain that graced our smiling faces and happy souls! Then we caught it! A glimpse of the sun finally poked through the clouds and dark sky! And I sat their basking in the rays thinking this is one of the best days I've ever had! That I was able to go out on my own and just make the best of it and know at the end of that night something amazing would happen! And it did! Well That's all for now! Gotta run!
Happy in Bliss,
Bri
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Izzy and Life
Hi! Well Thank goodness my lab final is done! I am so grateful to get rid of the "cats!" I'd much rather work on humans as gross as that sounds!
So, as stressful as life's been, I am always glad to be able to just sit down and hold Izzy and play with her! The older two think they are too big to hold these days. : (
You know this past year has been full of so many events that it just seems so unreal. I've been walking in a series of dreams and nightmares. And yet, I can't seem to wake up from it. Some days it seems like a dream but most days the nightmares continue. It seems as if having a baby is still so unreal. But now looking down on her now sleeping body, I sigh with happiness,because through it all I still got my miracle baby! She truly is that after all I've gone through!
Well I'd better run. Time to sleep!
Bri
So, as stressful as life's been, I am always glad to be able to just sit down and hold Izzy and play with her! The older two think they are too big to hold these days. : (
You know this past year has been full of so many events that it just seems so unreal. I've been walking in a series of dreams and nightmares. And yet, I can't seem to wake up from it. Some days it seems like a dream but most days the nightmares continue. It seems as if having a baby is still so unreal. But now looking down on her now sleeping body, I sigh with happiness,because through it all I still got my miracle baby! She truly is that after all I've gone through!
Well I'd better run. Time to sleep!
Bri
Saturday, April 19, 2008
This Can't Be True, Can It?
Hi! Yes it's true! Many that know me have said that Isabella definitely looks like me when I was young! She, like alexis, is a stylin baby though! LOL!
And yes, it's true! God has totally blessed me, with a a Toyota! Someone from my folks church heard I needed a car and was carless and is giving me his! God sure is good when you trust again, isn't He! Slowly, my life is getting better! I just have to keep trusting is all! Well all, better run, I promised I'd get 100's on the rest of my exams! And yes we are moving back into the house today! So goodbye beach house! It was great while it lasted!
Love you all!
Bri
And yes, it's true! God has totally blessed me, with a a Toyota! Someone from my folks church heard I needed a car and was carless and is giving me his! God sure is good when you trust again, isn't He! Slowly, my life is getting better! I just have to keep trusting is all! Well all, better run, I promised I'd get 100's on the rest of my exams! And yes we are moving back into the house today! So goodbye beach house! It was great while it lasted!
Love you all!
Bri
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Isabella
Hi all! Izzy is finally 4 months! Wow, time sure does fly! She got her shots yesterday, so the past few days have been quite hard for her! But she sure is growing! Almost 25 inches now but just 13 pounds!
So anyhow, that's the Izzy update for now!
Tired,
Bri
So anyhow, that's the Izzy update for now!
Tired,
Bri
Sunday, April 13, 2008
A New Perspective!
Hi all! So I must say, it was good to go to church this morning. I usually go to a Saturday night service, but, well without a car, I went with the folks. They talked about all the hungry people of the world. It was really amazing! And get this, out of 1000 women pulled, 22% would offer 10 years off their lives to be at their "ideal weight." How sick and twisted. And 23% said they'd spend 10 days in jail if they could loose weight. Another 24% said they'd shave their head to loose weight. And I can't remember the rest, but that is what stood out to me! So then he asked who's worked at a charitable place such as the Fish Food Bank. Get this only 4 people in the whole church has! I was one of the 4! All Junior and Senior year, I volunteered 20 hours a week there. I thought most people have done stuff like that. Then a few years back a small group that I belonged to, we helped the boys scout collect donations for the food bank! Now if you visit the hungersite.com you will be donating to the hungry people just by checking out the site, no cost to you. Here are two other good ones to check out. Bread.org fishfoodbanks.org. Worldvision.org is another good one to check out.
So today there was that familiar feeling that stirred within me again. You know, that feeling you know what you're supposed to be doing but then ask God, why me? How's it possible? And with no money and no car, how? Well, I have a feeling God is about to show me. Because why would He place such a desire within me and then not fulfill it? He's called me for something more. So, why do I keep pushing that voice away? I wonder this all the time. I know that there is a reason I am a single mom.
On the way home today (I took Mike and Izzy to the store to get his school snack, cupcakes!) he started asking really hard questions. Such as mommy, when did daddy leave us. And why? Was he mean to you and us? Why didn't you get along? So I answered best I could. Then he went into to the whole why did Ryan leave you and Izzy thing. I asked him what was bothering him. He said cuz Ryan is not here anymore. He's kept it in all this time. So I think it's time to get him some help to sort out his feelings!
So this is my day so far! And last night Izzy and I were talking and everyone swears she said mom! It was so exciting! And just now she laughed out loud again! It's so adorable and cute! Well Better run! Time to play with the kids!
Accepting Life as it is,
Bri
So today there was that familiar feeling that stirred within me again. You know, that feeling you know what you're supposed to be doing but then ask God, why me? How's it possible? And with no money and no car, how? Well, I have a feeling God is about to show me. Because why would He place such a desire within me and then not fulfill it? He's called me for something more. So, why do I keep pushing that voice away? I wonder this all the time. I know that there is a reason I am a single mom.
On the way home today (I took Mike and Izzy to the store to get his school snack, cupcakes!) he started asking really hard questions. Such as mommy, when did daddy leave us. And why? Was he mean to you and us? Why didn't you get along? So I answered best I could. Then he went into to the whole why did Ryan leave you and Izzy thing. I asked him what was bothering him. He said cuz Ryan is not here anymore. He's kept it in all this time. So I think it's time to get him some help to sort out his feelings!
So this is my day so far! And last night Izzy and I were talking and everyone swears she said mom! It was so exciting! And just now she laughed out loud again! It's so adorable and cute! Well Better run! Time to play with the kids!
Accepting Life as it is,
Bri
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