Life is Happening

Life is funny how it works out, isn't it?

A year ago I never expected to be where I am today. I thought I'd be deep in my studies in Hawaii, in nursing school, since I did get accepted in HPU. A lil turn of events not only postponed that for good but changed my life forever.

Looking back I was faced with so many unanswered questions, left with doubt, shame and embarrassment. I was even told to wear a ring so I wouldn't get the looks of being pregnant. I refused to. All the while enduring the dirty looks and the snickering I loved my lil baby that was growing inside of me. Yes, I had to drop out of school and my dream nursing school quickly vanished into the tossing of the waves, but the new waves that are crashing in bring in a new hope, joy, happiness, and beauty that never existed before. With the birth of Isabella, I was left with tears, hope, anger and joy. So many emotions all at one time. I'd lie in my bed crying and yet still be filled with so much love for this little girl. She is truly teaching me things I would never have learned had I not had her. I am learning for the first time, it is OK to ask for help when I need it and to be there when I'm needed. I am taking more time to enjoy her as a baby, because I had the other two at such a young age, I don't think I quite understood nor appreciated the beauty of being a mom or just raising a baby! She looks into my eyes as if I am her only world! It touches the very core of my being! She is truly a blessing and a gift from God. I am forced now to face life in such a different way.

I am learning to open up to others and have become friends with complete strangers all because I have a baby. The amazing thing is having a baby attracts all sorts of people and even the men are swooning over how beautiful she is! And she truly is a beautiful baby! I prayed every day when I was pregnant to give me a beautiful little girl! And God heard my prayers and answered them!

However, today was quite a different day. The older two, are now in basketball, which by the way is absolutely hilarious! It's like watching Eric's lil' Heroes! So anyhow, I decided to go get a sub from subway and take a break from watching and so Izzy and I left for a few minutes. I sat in the back of the place in the Y feeding Izzy her bottle while I ate. It was one time I wanted to be alone. But I looked up to see this guy looking at me. I thought what is this? I mean his gaze was so steady that I felt uneasy for the first time. So, I looked behind me out the window to see if he was indeed looking beyond me. I turned around to meet his gaze again. I suddenly became very concious and tried to look every where but meet his gaze. I was thinking what does he want from me? I have a baby, I am just in jeans and a T with my hair pulled into a pony and no makeup. Hardly a person worth noticing. Especially today with the baby. And yet I couldn't match his gaze. He finally grinned and winked at me and I thought OK, I am dreaming and I'll wake up, cuz this guy was indeed more than handsome! He walked over to me and asked if he could sit. I said sure, I'm just leaving! LOL! OK, not the best thing, cuz I was so shy for the first time. I am not usually like that. He said he would see me around and winked. I said, um yeah sure. Maybe. I wiped my mouth for the thousandth time and said goodbye! LOL! I hurried past him and back into the safety of the crowd! I guess I am not use to that anymore. Cuz all I've seen myself as lately is just a mom. For the first time this stranger made me feel like a woman again. LOL! I have a feeling that I will see him again. Don't ask me why.

So, life is definitely great! I have 3 beautiful children all unique in their own way and I love them all so much! I am getting my bachelors, something I never thought I'd truly attain, and someday I will prayerfully be back in the mission field. So, life is great! Love will someday follow. But for now all I truly need is the love of God and my family. God will bless me in His timing! And then I will never regret a minute of anything. I don't regret anything as of now! I have 3 children, who cares how I had them, I do. I have only learned from my past, from the hurt, as well as the joyous times! I may not have a date this Valentine's and it'll definitely be different than last year's but just the same, I will be happy! And someday I'll have a date for the rest of my life! But maybe this is good! Because I am back in school and need to concentrate anyhow. No more bumps in the road or distractions! Even if it takes me 3 more years to get my BA I will. I will not let others tell me I am too old or can't do it. I can do anything I put my mind to! And guess what, I am excited for school! I love learning!

So, this is my life! I am happy and I consider my life to be blessed and lucky!

Love you all and goodnight!

Bri