Have I gone through enough yet, God?

Hi all! I wasn't going to share, because let's face it, there's been a ton of things that have gone wrong with this pregnancy!

It's been the toughest pregnancy I have ever had! When I first got pregnant, I was also diagnosed with Crohne's Disease. I had to sign a form saying if it comes down to it, they save either my life or the baby's. I have been bleeding and vomiting since I fist conceived. They had no real reason for all the blood loss. I was even told I couldn't fly to Vegas if it continued. It stopped for the week that we went and started a week after we returned.

I've been in and out of the hospital with different problems. There's been the scares such as when the doctor told me the baby had open spinal bifida and then finding out I lost the twin. At one time I lost so much blood, I was tagged with a special band and put on the transfusion list in case they had to do surgery since my blood count was so low!

Not that it matters but with having things happen with Ryan the way that they did had also put my body in stress and the baby underwent a lot of stress aswell so I had to get a stress test done!

Well, This Thursday, I was back yet again at the hospital. Yes, only one day later!

I woke up bleeding. Let's just say that I had lost so much blood that they thought I'd miscarried altogether! I was really scared and in a lot of pain! Come to find out there is a tear in the lining of the uterus. If I kept bleeding at the rate I was, I would have lost the baby not to mention a huge possibility of my own life. The doctors couldn't believe how much I was losing as quickly as I was! The looks on their faces alone scared me! They had to stop it immediately. I was given a shot in an unmentionable place and it worked! Friday night I finally stopped bleeding for the most part. But it left behind severe pain and burning! I've never felt this kind of pain in my life! I regretted even going the bathroom because this was worse than when I tore when I had Mike.

I am now under strict orders as to NO exercise, no swimming or soaking in water (baths are now out and that is what was easing my back pain and contractions!), etc. It's a waiting game now to see if the lining will heal itself as it did when I tore with Mike. Although it wasn't this severe with him. I am praying God works yet another miracle and I heal quickly!

When I finally think I am good to go and things are great, God gives me another challenge, and it always seems much more of one than the one before!

I am also starting to dilate and that isn't good! Well, I guess God knows what He's doing! Maybe He's preparing me for the pain I am going to experience with giving birth in just a few short months, since I want to try and do it naturally!

So, if you feel like praying, you can pray everything heals and there are NO more problems! Because on top of this school starts in a few weeks, and I am trying to deal with the children (I'll explain later), not to mention just trying to get through the days trusting that God knows what He's doing with my "love life!" Yes, truth is, I am scared to death to have this one without a husband! This is NOT how I wanted it or planned it! Yes, someday I wanted 4 children, but I wanted it to be with a loving husband!

However, I've read in Child magazine an article that was just done based on research that says families with 3-5 children are more adjusted, well rounded and have a better chance of survival! This included single parent families. In fact the are showing that if you are single parent family with 3 or more, the children will adapt better because they have each other! I guess time will tell!

Well, that's what's happening with me! Take Care all!

Worried,

Bri