Never on TV

Some last thoughts before I head to bed.

I've been teased over the past year by most of my friends that they were going to nominate me to be the next "bachelorette" or at least one of the women for the "bachelor!" I threatened them not to! I really didn't want to go through all of that, all of the dating, jealousy, and competition on national TV. Then January came I found "my night and shining armor, my Prince charming!" Life was so perfect and imaginable! It was like I really was on TV and we were the Brady's or the perfect couple and we were never going to be apart!

Well, my dream turned into a nightmare, one I never saw coming. I was not on national TV, but the pain of rejection hurts just the same, if not more! It was like I had to compete with these other women of his past, and I was not the type of girl who wanted to compete and I hate being jealous! I want to know that I can trust the man I am with.

My dream prince, without a care one day said goodbye forever. I never saw it coming to be honest. I was shocked and the tears poured out! I asked why, to never really get an honest answer. He said I will always be beautiful, but he didn't want me in his life any longer. We hugged for what I saw was the last time and slowly turned around to leave. Here I was pregnant with his baby, and he no longer cared. I didn't care to be on those reality TV shows because I never wanted to fall in love only to have my heart broken the way it was. But my life quickly turned into a nightmare. What those shows don't show you is the after affects of these women who are rejected at the last minute and they are led to believe the whole time that it was her that he loved! They don't show how her heart truly breaks. While the audience all cheers the woman he did choose, they quickly forget the other woman who was just as in love with him, if not more. I had always dreamed of falling in love and the man I fell in love with, he'd be the one and only forever. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was going to school like I was supposed to and being with the kids. I wasn't really looking for love at the time. It just hit me.

I guess I realized a lot about life and myself from this. No, I still never want to be the next "bachelorette" because I don't want to do to men what's happened to me! Maybe there's a purpose in all of this, but to be quite honest, I have no idea. Looking back 10 years from now, maybe I'll know!

Until then, next time you watch one of those reality shows, remember there is a lot more behind the scenes than what you will ever see on TV. There's real life, human emotion and feelings, and broken hearts! I can emphasize with them! I've been there.