Hi All! OK so I have to first say I plead complete drowsiness right now. For the first time in a few weeks I took a 2 pain killers. The back pain coupled with contractions are just making so I can't sleep.
But I am glad that Ryan has finally came around to wanting to be there for Izzy's birth! I am so glad he'll be there cuz I need him there. I am so scared. I am scared she won't make it, to be honest. And if she does, she'll be in in the NICU for a very long time! I am also afraid that because my body is so weak that I too won't pull through. I gave Ryan the power of my living will and the power to make all life threatening medical emergencies regarding Izzy and I. I did ask that he not accept a blood transfusion for me if they don't think it'll take. I trust he'll know what to do and do the right thing if things present themselves. While we are no longer together or will have a future together, I still trust him with my life. I trust him and trust that he'll do what's best. Had it been any other man, I doubt I would trust them with these decisions. There is only one other that I'd ever trust that way. But we haven't talked in a few years.
So anyhow, that is how things are. I will find out tomorrow if I have to have an emergency delivery or if Izzy is OK! Either way, Ry said no matter where he is or how far away he is, he will get there and be there as soon as he can for her birth! Thank God, that he at least is coming around for her! Yes, I wish he'd come back and we'd be a real family again, but that will take a miracle that I don't think the heavens will have.
So anyhow, the pain meds kicked in and I can barely think! So good night for now! Or as Ry use to say to me and the kids It's sleepy time! Geez I miss him! Will it ever get easier?
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