Lovin Life and my Folks

Good Morning! Isn't today a wonderful day?! Well I think so! There is so much to be grateful for! Things are going ok! And I have my parents to help me with the children! I couldn't do it without them! Next year The older two will be in school, but Izzy will only be a year! There will come a day when they all will be, but until then, my folks are helping me so I can get through school, and make a new life for us! So, I just wanted to say thanks to them and say how much I truly appreciate them and love them! I hope that I will be as loving and compassionate to my children as my parents are to me and my brother and sisters!

Well, Gotta run!

Loving Life!

BTW, What Happens in Vegas! Great Movie, tons of laughs! I would buy it!

Bri

Life is so amazing

So just a quick note! The summer is flying by! I am done with Biology and am back to Chem for July! I loved Bio! Chem is a headache! Sigh! So. . . I am a very lucky gal! I have recently engaged into a relationship that is pleaasing to God. We have a really open and honest relationship. He knows all about Izzy's father and I and what happened. It did take him a while to understand why I want to wait until I am married to have sex again! So instead of that we now read devotions together, as well as with the kids. We found a great church together, that we both love! It's been pretty amazing!! We have family game night at least 2ce a week! He has really gotten to love the kids and knows the worse of their behaviors and told me that because he is so in love with their mommy, he's not going anywhere. : ) He really adores Izzy and spoils her like his lil princess. He's hoping that her daddy will flake and not want her so all she'll know is him. LOL! Talk about becoming attached. Anyhow, I told him I want to still take things slow and wait til I am out of school to marry and whatnot. I don't want another repeat. Besides, I have to much to focus on right now! He understands! We just got back from camping in Eastern WA! It was adorable taking Bella fishing on the boat and stuff! We are heading to California in August! Yeah! Well better run! I'm so happy these days! I am glad we're doing things the right way. That was my downfall with Izzy's dad. I want God at the center of everything! So things really are different.



Lovin life,

Bri

Life These Days

Hi! So life's suddenly gotten way more serious. I am now in summer school, and let me tell ya, it'll kick your butt, if you are not completely serious! I am meeting a ton of cool new people though!

So, things have been going good with us. Our 1 month anniversary from our first official date was yesterday! He even texted me to say happy 1 month! I've never had that, so it's really sweet! He came over Friday, and we watched Dan in Real Life! LOL! How real is that?! He also held Isabella and is falling in love with my little princess! At the same time she is really drawn to him! : ) Whenever we are around, she is now holding out her arms to him for him to take her! She is so very fascinated with him! And she doesn't really know any other man except my dad, because hers has been absent in her life since late December. He is now saying he wants to be a part of her life, but to me actions speak louder than words!

Yesterday, Mike went on his Royal Rangers drag race trip! He loved it! He got to drive a dragster and learn how to change the tire and work in the pit and stuff! So cool! I wish I could go! They even had a bon fire! The leaders were pretty cool! It is like boy scouts but with God as the center!

Alexis played soccer! It was so cold she just stood there. . . So she ended up in goal! LOL! She was better at that! After that we all went out for breakfast to a cute cafe in stadium district! Isabella loves french toast with syrup! LOL! Then Alexis went with Papa "grandpa" for a walk and to the library and Isabella, my mom and I went to Walmart to go shopping. Time to get stuff! LOL!

Then we came home and Izzy had tummy time, well she's learned to roll over, so she had rolling time! Then I picked up Mike from Life Christian and he and I went to Target for some other stuff! Then we came home and I studied! And because I am not feeling well these days, I went to bed early.

So today, is a study day cuz there is a HUGE test tomorrow! Yikes! Well, That's kinda our life these days. Only one more week of Soccer, then baseball season is upon us! Yeah! And Izzy's first swim lessons! HMM!

Well, better run, shower time and time to get ready for church!

Love this happy girl!

Bri

Life Is Amazing

Hi! Life has been 100% amazing! I met a great guy and we've been having a ton of fun! Fun I haven't had in years! We've had some great laughs together and he loves all 3 of the kids! He doesn't have any of his own so Isabella is new to him! It's so cute seeing him with her and she has just been our lil entertainment! LOL! She is a riot!

She goes everywhere with us now! And let's see we are attending an awesome church in Seattle! And we both love it so that is a huge thing! And after we always try to go and do something new and different! Today he took us to have cupcakes and they were heavenly! We even got some for Michael and Alexis! We then went to Mexican right by his place off of stadium! Yummy! But we have a ton of plans for the summer! And we plan to take the children on many cool adventures! He even came to their soccer game yesterday! He's getting to do all the stuff a dad does! Then he Izzy and I went to a cool lil place in south tacoma to eat!

Right now They only know him as mommy's friend. I will keep it like that unless things get super serious! But we are taking it slow. But for now things are great! And he knows my boundaries. I am never going back down that road again until I am married! It will be tuff but that is what I feel is right!

Well better run! I am uploading the pics of Izzy and stuff!

Lovin Life,

Bri

What Really Happened

Hi! So today was well, interesting. He did meet my girls today. We did meet for lunch at Red Robin, instead. Though they met him as my friend. I am not going down that whole road again. And well, Alexis was Alexis. He thought the baby was pretty easy going and said she's so adorable. And of course we were stopped by people adoring Isabella. He laughed and said I must be use to it. He said I have the cutest kids! Then he met Mike. We picked him up from school. Then we headed to get stuff for my car. And well he saw Mike in his mommy I want this car mood! LOL! So, he's seen it all. And well if he calls me or texts me in the morning like he always has, well, that will prove he doesn't scare easily. LOL!

But yes, I am still guarded. Very very guarded and for very good reason. I do NOT want to be that girl again. No more wide eyed and innocent. She was killed sometime within the past year. I don't think I'll ever go into another relationship with as much trust and innocence as I had. Though, I am leaning how to slowly open up again. The fun me is back! He brings that out in me!

So anyhow, I must get a million things done! And well, I am literally exhausted. But still smiling with my girls!

And yes, there are other things going on in my life. Important things. Things that no one should have to go through or fear. But I just can only pray things get better. Anyhow, I'd better go sleep now.

Loving Jesus,

Bri

Life is awesome and amazing

Hi! I have been pretty happy these days! Life has been looking good! I am finally done with finals which is a HUGE plus! But alas, summer classes start in a week! : (

And let's see, the kids are playing soccer again! Boy has Alexis improved! And hmmm. . . Oh yes, she had her ballet recital! It was so amazingly CUTE! I can't wait til next year at the pantages! And Lexi has twisted my arm, so I am now going to be dancing again too! I think That I may be able to convince Mike to do Tap with her! She will be doing Ballet, Tap and Creative Movement with me! I may get Mike into hip hop as well! Who knows! Dance is good for all ages and both genders! I myself, am being pulled back into Ballet (Possibly point?), Tap, Jazz and Creative movement with Alexis! We shall see how it all works out though! But I am excited! I missed dancing! And the guy I am seeing is really encouraging it! Yeah!

He really is bringing out my youthfulness again! We have a joke about me wearing matchable browns! Which if you know me, know it has to be as such! LOL! So far it's been amazing! We've gone to a couple of movies and had coffee and to Seattle together! I guess the big question will be if he goes to church with me! LOL! But we've had the "talk." Because he is in the medical field and loves it here and I have no idea where live will take me and for how long! Today he may meet my girls! We have yet to get that figured out! But we might take them for Pizza for lunch!

Speaking of girls. . . Isabella failed her hearing test! She has to go to a specialist now! : ( She is congested in both ears now! Poor lil Ms. . . . But she is growing like a rose! She is now 26 inches and only 14 pounds! She sure is my sunshine!

So that's my life these days! Nothing too new but it's been exciting! I may even move to the Tacoma area! HMMM! I have no idea where things will go. But I am excited! Well better run for now.

Lovin Life,

Bri

Content

Hey all! Life is great! I'm happy again and I am getting a chance to be me! YEAH! Though, I still love my lil ones! And I can't wait to get home to see Izzy cuz well she needs to nurse! LOL! So anyhow, I'd better run cuz I have a call to return and I am tired these days!

Content,

Bri

A Baby Dies, Realization

I was sitting in the audience of the pinning of nurses for NWU's 08' pinning, when a student speaker got up to talk! What came next, I never expected to hear. But to this day, her words still ring true within my own soul.

The first day I lost a patient, I was in the NICU. I looked down at this once breathing baby who was now lifeless. I cried from within. Why God? Where are you now? Her mind screamed out. She handed this dead baby to it's parents as they took him to hold him they sobbed. And again she asked Why God? Who are You? A still small voice came to her and said I am the God of Isaiah. I Am Who I Am. And then she knew He was there with them. When the parents gave the baby back and as they continued to sob over their lost child, and she cried with them on the inside she asked OK, Now God, where are You? Who are You? She had started to undress the baby and she washed the baby and clothes him again. Right before she took him to the morgue she heard that faithful voice again. I am Your Comforter and Peace on times of trial. So She carried the baby down to lay there with a peace. She had God's peace. Yet we still will never understand why God chooses to take some babies and not others. Why God chooses to let some people get so very hurt and lets others walk away without a care. Where is the God of justice, we all sometimes wonder. Especially when that justice is so big that it seems life can't get worse and it does. The unjust for all those who are dying for no reason. The unjust for those who have cancer. The unjust for the babies in the world whose parents or parent didn't or doesn't want them. The unjust for the death of that innocent child! What is there to gain from all of this? Most likely there will never be an answer and the world will continue as it always has. The evil will become more evil, the saints, God's true Followers will become even more persecuted! And then I stop and ask myself, how often does a person change for the better, on their own without counseling, etc. It'd take a God shaking experience. I say it is sad, because I believed people at a time. now I am so sketchy about what people tell me because of all the lies from people. Maybe there is some good in people still? Maybe there is some good left in the world? We will find out some day. So, God of Peace. The Comforter, please comfort all those who really need you now and your healing touch!

Thus the story of the lost baby!

A Hairy Situation

So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!

Well there's a hairy tale for ya!

Br

A Hairy Situation

So two fridays ago the kids were supposed to be playing in the yard when they came in for a bath. Oh my, I gasped as I looked Mike's hair! He cut his bangs! He now needed a real hair cut! Then ALexis walks in, I took one look at her and started to cry! She and Michael had cut her hair. It was his idea! So we had to take her straight away to the children's hair dresser the very next morning. It took 2 hours to fix it. The whole time you could see the sadness in her eyes as her hair dropped to the floor. I look like a boy, she kept saying. She said she'll never cut her hair again. So her hair is super super short! Long gone are the braids, pigtails and curls! I had to bring her into the school and explain! In fact I've had to explain to all her teachers and coaches! Poor gal! I feel for her! Id hate it!

Well there's a hairy tale for ya!

Br

Free To Be Me Again

So over the course of the day that I spent all my time with Isabella and my mind started to clear. Last night after I put Izzy in her crib, I slowly took down the first wedding planner I had boughten for the wedding. I pulled out the white pen page and slowly turned the pages. The first thing I came across was our flower girls, and slowly I whited out the other name next to Alexis. I continued to erase and get rid of all the info he'd given to me and all the things he'd written in it. It brought back our conversations of him wanting Scott as his best man because K.C. was it before. Either way both names are now gone along with the wedding date and anything to have to deal with the wedding. The last thing I deleted forever was how they were going to announce us after the wedding. Erasing that, I knew then as much as my heart may have hoped for another miracle, it would never happen. And looking at our beautiful girls face brings mixed emotions. But mostly, she is so unique and her smiles light up everyone's world that it doesn't matter any longer.

I think what made this so much easier was the cruise and the people I met. Not only that, but because I met someone who was truly a gentleman! He even walked me out to the car even though there was a group of us heading out and gave me a hug! His warmth surrounded me. It was nice! As I got in I knew that wasn't the last of him. So yesterday I was able to process everything. I decided it was time to embrace this new me.

So yes, the past, my past is erased, white outed, whatever you want to call it. Will I still talk to him? Possibly if I see him again. Who knows what the future holds! This guy may turn out to be quite amazing! Either way, I have a friend who will go hang out, play pool, darts, have a drink etc. Well, gotta run. I've gotta get Lexi on the bus!

She's growing up so fast! : (

The Cruise, I am so happy

Hi Friends. It's been resolved! Thank goodness!

On to way better note! I went on a cruise yesterday! I didn't know anyone to begin with and yet it was by far the most fun I've had in years! I met every type of person there was! And became friends with a few! We had such a blast! We even got to play pool and darts, and dance and have a few drink and eat some great mexican! We celebrated cino de mayo early! But I can tell that some of these people are truly amazing and we'll be life friends! Ironic how there is every type of person there! I hung out with what they call the medical crowd! LOL! It just must come naturally because I liked them before I knew what they did! It's an amazing group, and you no what, every single type of person was there! The most amazing thing is I got to be me. Just me. The fun-loving, lout-going me I haven't been in years and years and years! I wasn't someone's ex or mom, I was just a person like the rest of them and was accepted for who I am! And wouldn't you know it the guys I hung out with chose me to be a part of them! And they are the cool guys that everyone loves and is drawn to. Know what I mean? And the cutest one and I got along great! The crowd was mostly upper 30's which is great! Way more fun and has been through life and is mature yet silly! One guy, is just like Dane Cook! I was in tears laughing all night! So anyhow, I'm learning how to be me again. Just me! I don't have to try to impress anyone, and I didn't have to hide behind the whole mom thing like I usually do w/ guys.

But at the end of the night, when I came home and nursed the baby, and she looked up at me with love in her eyes and just grinned and squealed, I knew I had the best of everything! Who knows, maybe one day it'll happen! Maybe one day. But for now, these cool guys who are in the medical field even offered to help me with everything! I'm so stoked! I was just telling my mom I wish I had a guy to study with cuz I'd get it and still have fun! Well gotta run! Time to bathe baby!

In Complete Bliss,

Bri

Mooning Over the Water

Oh, something totally funny that I forgot! So, I'm on the second floor of the cruise ship talking to some people and we look out and are admiring Bill Gates' house when some guys went by and started mooing us! LOL! And then one of them fell in the very icy cold water! They had to go back and get the poor guy! But we were all laughing! So a lesson? When you're drinking, keep your pants up! HA! : )

I gotta say, it was a ton of fun dancing and chatting on the top deck with the wind blowing through my golden curls, and having the midst mix with the light rain that graced our smiling faces and happy souls! Then we caught it! A glimpse of the sun finally poked through the clouds and dark sky! And I sat their basking in the rays thinking this is one of the best days I've ever had! That I was able to go out on my own and just make the best of it and know at the end of that night something amazing would happen! And it did! Well That's all for now! Gotta run!

Happy in Bliss,

Bri

Izzy and Life

Hi! Well Thank goodness my lab final is done! I am so grateful to get rid of the "cats!" I'd much rather work on humans as gross as that sounds!

So, as stressful as life's been, I am always glad to be able to just sit down and hold Izzy and play with her! The older two think they are too big to hold these days. : (

You know this past year has been full of so many events that it just seems so unreal. I've been walking in a series of dreams and nightmares. And yet, I can't seem to wake up from it. Some days it seems like a dream but most days the nightmares continue. It seems as if having a baby is still so unreal. But now looking down on her now sleeping body, I sigh with happiness,because through it all I still got my miracle baby! She truly is that after all I've gone through!

Well I'd better run. Time to sleep!

Bri

This Can't Be True, Can It?

Hi! Yes it's true! Many that know me have said that Isabella definitely looks like me when I was young! She, like alexis, is a stylin baby though! LOL!

And yes, it's true! God has totally blessed me, with a a Toyota! Someone from my folks church heard I needed a car and was carless and is giving me his! God sure is good when you trust again, isn't He! Slowly, my life is getting better! I just have to keep trusting is all! Well all, better run, I promised I'd get 100's on the rest of my exams! And yes we are moving back into the house today! So goodbye beach house! It was great while it lasted!

Love you all!

Bri

Isabella

Hi all! Izzy is finally 4 months! Wow, time sure does fly! She got her shots yesterday, so the past few days have been quite hard for her! But she sure is growing! Almost 25 inches now but just 13 pounds!

So anyhow, that's the Izzy update for now!

Tired,

Bri

A New Perspective!

Hi all! So I must say, it was good to go to church this morning. I usually go to a Saturday night service, but, well without a car, I went with the folks. They talked about all the hungry people of the world. It was really amazing! And get this, out of 1000 women pulled, 22% would offer 10 years off their lives to be at their "ideal weight." How sick and twisted. And 23% said they'd spend 10 days in jail if they could loose weight. Another 24% said they'd shave their head to loose weight. And I can't remember the rest, but that is what stood out to me! So then he asked who's worked at a charitable place such as the Fish Food Bank. Get this only 4 people in the whole church has! I was one of the 4! All Junior and Senior year, I volunteered 20 hours a week there. I thought most people have done stuff like that. Then a few years back a small group that I belonged to, we helped the boys scout collect donations for the food bank! Now if you visit the hungersite.com you will be donating to the hungry people just by checking out the site, no cost to you. Here are two other good ones to check out. Bread.org fishfoodbanks.org. Worldvision.org is another good one to check out.

So today there was that familiar feeling that stirred within me again. You know, that feeling you know what you're supposed to be doing but then ask God, why me? How's it possible? And with no money and no car, how? Well, I have a feeling God is about to show me. Because why would He place such a desire within me and then not fulfill it? He's called me for something more. So, why do I keep pushing that voice away? I wonder this all the time. I know that there is a reason I am a single mom.

On the way home today (I took Mike and Izzy to the store to get his school snack, cupcakes!) he started asking really hard questions. Such as mommy, when did daddy leave us. And why? Was he mean to you and us? Why didn't you get along? So I answered best I could. Then he went into to the whole why did Ryan leave you and Izzy thing. I asked him what was bothering him. He said cuz Ryan is not here anymore. He's kept it in all this time. So I think it's time to get him some help to sort out his feelings!

So this is my day so far! And last night Izzy and I were talking and everyone swears she said mom! It was so exciting! And just now she laughed out loud again! It's so adorable and cute! Well Better run! Time to play with the kids!

Accepting Life as it is,

Bri

reaization

Today was just one of those days. Today I woke up sad as you would've guessed if you read the blog prior to this one! Then a little later, I realized how much like Jadyn Isabella is. Then I finally took Izzy and we went out for the afternoon. (the kids went back to the old house with grandpa to mow the lawn and ride bikes) So my mom let me take her car so I could get out of the house! While the lake house is great, sometimes it's great to get away! Though it's always interesting when you see a sail boat capsize or a boat full of drunk people come back into port going backwards. LOL! But anyhow it was good to get out and away.

I was able to really clear my head. And I realized something. As I looked at my lil baby girl and as many people stopped me to say how beautiful and cute she was I really thought about everything. I wanted to be angry and mad about everything. After all I have a right to. But for some reason, knowing everything, I'm no longer angry. No matter what, I can't make Ryan love his daughter, so today or maybe this evening something inside of me just gave up! I gave hoping that he'd someday come around. I guess it'll just take time to forget now. And soon it'll be hard to remember anything.

The truth is, I started to date a guy again. But after a sonics game, I just didn't see it going anywhere. And I just couldn't do it anymore. After all the time wasted with Ryan and all back and forth, I realized that I didn't want to waste anymore time with a guy that I knew I couldn't marry. So I told him I could never have those feelings for him and I was sorry. I was OK with being friends but that is it. So things were OK for a week and then he started to tell me he missed me, etc. Well, the thing is I know what my worth is, and he was a waste of my time. I didn't care how much he made or his occupation. Sure we would've been set for life, but you know what? I'd rather be poor and happy! finally after a 2AM text the other night I'd had it. I told him to play games with other women, because I was not interested in it. I no longer will take a 2AM call from guys. It's ridiculous. Any guy that has a respect for a woman isn't going to be calling or texting that late. I just stopped picking up the phone. A few guys have done this in the past month and once I go to bed, I will not pick up the phone. It's time for self respect. I have kids and school and a life. And the guys that I talk to and am friends with, the real men don't call me in the wee hours of the morning! So that is that. I haven't heard from him since.

So, somewhere along the way, with the whole Ryan thing and everything else, I finally found myself and have enough respect for myself to not stick around guys. I am really not into the whole dating thing right now anyhow. Right now I am more focused on the kids, school and God. Well for now that my life. I have to run. I have church in the morning and have to go to sleep!

Good Night,

Bri

Baby Izzy, Abandoned

As I sit and look and baby Izzy, or Bella as we sometimes now call her, I see so much life in her. What's more, is I see so much of her sister Jadyn in her. Jadyn is Ryan's other daughter. But the two seem so far to be a lot alike. . . They both have the same smile (I think they must get that from their dad) and their personalities seem a lot a like. It's hard to explain unless you know Jadyn. But Baby Izzy, is slowly following in her footsteps. She's extremely attached to me and she likes to know mommy is near when she is falling asleep. Most cases if I am around she wants to know she can feel me as she passes out. I know, I know, this doesn't seem good. In fact sometimes it's just frustrating. She hardly naps unless I am around. She hates to miss what's going on! But the thing is this. I have talked with several doctors and councilors. (Yes, I have seen a few councilors since Ryan has decided he wants nothing to do with Izzy, because that tore me up.) But they all say the same thing. Izzy is so attached to me because she doesn't feel the presence of her daddy in her life. If Ryan was around at all, she be a little more secure because she'd just "know." They aren't sure at this stage how much babies can comprehend, but they do know that if the absence of a parent makes the baby a little more clingy to the one parent they do have left. Izzy is smart and she knows. She also knows if the man that is around, holding her is a dad himself. Ironic hu? She always feels safe with other men that are dads but the men that aren't she picks up on it immediately and starts to cry. And no sooner is she back in my arms, she starts smiling and cooing again. Now plain and simple she is very, very picky about the women she lets hold her. LOL! I've noticed she goes to all my really good friends very easily, because like me, most of them are carefree and go with what life hands you. She has a very good sense of a person. She can tell when you are afraid. She is very sensitive to others around her! Though she sure loved the 3 puppies we picked up yesterday! When the little black one jumped on her lap she just got wide eyed! LOL! Alexis and Mikey on the other hand were a lil afraid.

I guess it's just sad that Isabella will never know her other sister. I don't even know if I should tell her she has one to be honest.

I had a very sad dream last night. Izzy was around 2 1/2 and we ran into Ryan. She recognized him from one pic she kept of her "daddy" on her night stand. She looked up at him and said "dadda?" As if to question him. Before I could say anything he bent down and said "yes, Izzy I am your daddy" What was he thinking I remember wondering in my dream. Well, I won't go into detail because it is very sad but in the end, I took my little Izzy away crying. She kept saying, "mommy go, daddy no love me." over and over. When Ryan tried to talk to her she just kept saying "Go way, you no love me." I woke up to the sounds of her stirring. She too must have been having a not so great dream. She kept moving her head from side to side and fighting in her sleep. I leaned over and calmly told her it's "OK, mommy's here." She opened her eyes, groggily and smiled. I just stoked her lil cheeks and and we talked quietly for a bit. I didn't realize I had been crying in my sleep until I went to get up to go the bathroom and the pillow was wet from my tears. So I wiped my eyes and sure enough I had been crying.

I still will never be able to fathom how a father, can love one child and not ever want to see the other one again? It'll always be beyond my comprehension. When I talked to a good friend today (of 6 years) I realized that while I truly had let Ryan go I will never understand the abandonment. I pray that when Izzy finally meets her father, it is not like that of my dream. But what am I supposed to say to her when she asks where he is? I can't lie. And yet the truth would tear her apart. I guess for now all I can think to say is, I don't know where he is. Hopefully that will be enough for her. I will tell her he knows about her, but that he hasn't seen her since she was almost 3 months old. That the last time he held her was for her passport photo. Mike and Alexis ask where Ryan went to and why they can't play with Jadyn. I have nothing to say. So I say we won't see them. Then I change the subject. For a while Alexis had a lot of anger in her. She went around telling people "Ryan's a jerk." When I told her not to say that (it will eventually affect Izzy if she hears that stuff), she said "why, he's a jerk to you, mommy. He always makes you cry and doesn't want Izzy." Well that's the truth, but I tell her, "Lexi, sometimes people just aren't nice. Ryan chose not to be nice to mommy or Izzy. But please don't talk like that K. He is Izzy's dad.)

I guess all I can say, is I hope Izzy has her own personality. I pray she has a kindness, a sweetness and a gentleness about her. That she tells the truth and won't lie. I just hope I can raise her right. But, It'll always sadden me that Ryan willfully has chosen to abandon this joy, this blessing and this precious beautiful baby girl of his! After all, the paternity test that came back said she's 99.9999% his! What more proof does he want?

Oh well. Maybe in time, she'll have a dad who will love her. But I just hope that if she ever meets Jadyn, she doesn't hate her, for him choosing her over Izzy.

That's my Saturday afternoon thoughts while feeding her!

Mystified,

Bri

Simplicity

Hi All! I Hope this finds you well! So anyhow, life. . . . Geez!

Let's just say as of now, God is really stretching me! I now have no car, and no means to fix the car. It's going to cost another 2 grand. So in all I have spent close to 18,000 on a used car. . . That just keeps breaking! am finally out of money.

I'm also trying to raise Izzy on my own and well there's no money to help with that either.

So, God, I have maybe a few pennies to my name if that, and 3 kids to raise. As of now, I may have to withdraw from School. Life has gone from Great to a nightmare in less than 2 days.

Yet there has to be a reason. So I will continue to praise His name! God, may Your glory still shine in my life!

In Wonder of it all,

Bri

Still Smiling Beyond the Pain

This past week I truly thought there was absolutely no more surprises that would happen that would shock me. When you think you’ve hit bottom, there’s always lower, trust me, I now know! After some of the things I have encountered this past week, I realized that the one thing that can and always makes me smile is the baby. Her smile just brightens my whole day! And tonight as she was crying, looking deep into my eyes almost searching them for safety, she found a peace and a love and would not look away! She had that look that said please don’t abandon me mom. She knows I’m it. She doesn’t know what a dad is. So, as she held my finger with her tiny hand I whispered to her, Baby Bella, Mommy will NEVER leave you! I love you so much, you are my lil sunshine! She quieted right down and I began to sing her favorite song, Oh be Careful Little Eye What You See. She cooed and started to smile! Then I sang her the song I just recently wrote for her! MY Beautiful Baby Bella! So, any how, that's the life these days.

Yes, I have seen a point this past week where I should hate life and just be this angry person inside, hateful and full of spite. And yet I still smile because I have this joy that tells me everything is about to change and it's going to be more than OK! That what I thought was good is no where near what God is about to bless me with! MAybe I was way to trusting and naive! That's what I am being told these days! But you know what? At the end of the day when I fall asleep and look over to see that precious baby girl laying there with a smile on her face, I really didn't loose anything! I won! And she's my blessing! God knew how hard these days were going to be on me and yet with her here, nothing that I've encountered has completely torn me apart or shocked me. It has shocked some of the people that do know, and they all shale their heads, but to me, it seems that somehow, it'll work out and be OK!

So with that I must go!

Take Care all!

Still Smiling Beyond the Pain!

Bri

Why God Made Moms

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!

Deceived

Have you ever felt deceived by someone? What I am talking about, you thought you knew them. I mean really knew them only to find out who they were or portrayed to be was a complete lie. Sometimes this betrayal can cut to the core and other times you think well geez it's good thing I didn't completely trust them. You have that feeling in your stomach as if something wasn't right? You just couldn't put your finger on it. Well that happened with me more recently.

I had this weird feeling about someone, and I kept telling myself, it'll go away with time. I even told myself, well maybe it's because I am just really guarded after all the betrayal I had just gone through. . . But no. It still was there and it grew. I figured OK, I gotta give this person a chance. Maybe I was being a hypocrite and it wasn't them. So I did. And I won't say what happened or why but boy was it a complete eye opener as well as a confirmation to that feeling that lingered. I finally told them I couldn't be around them any longer. The day I told them that, that night I got a phone call telling me to check up on that person. That I was in for a real shock. What I found out was not only appalling but the character of this person was outright disgusting. I was not shocked though for some reason. I knew that something wasn't right. When I heard that they went to a strip club to do business with their "clients" I thought, geez I want as far away as possible from them. Talk about unethical. If you don't have morals, you still should have ethics and the law in which you should abide by.

I've always given people the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross that line, I will never trust them again. I will not even associate with them. I am careful with what kind of company I keep! Call me crazy but I am not about to get involved with those kind of people.

Now I have had several opportunities to be very unethical. I have been offered hundreds of dollars for "happy endings." I felt disgusted. I don't go to their work and ask for "favors." If they want that call a prostitute. I could easily rake in the cash and have more than enough money to do whatever I wanted right now. But I can't and won't lower myself to such filth. Maybe that's a reason I hate the business now. Anyhow, all I have to say is just be careful in whom you spend your time with. Even if it's just on the phone. Trust your instincts. Trust me, as good as they may make you feel you're worth more than empty words and promises. This goes for guys too! Don't lower yourself or your standards just because you "Feel Lonely. That's all I have to say on the subject.

Still Disgusted,

Bri

life

Hi all! So life's been interesting to say the least! I can't believe spring break is over! Yikes! Time for the education world again! sigh! I so want to be done! : ( Things are going so so. But I still have that joy. HMMM. . . Well, I better run! Tons to do in just one day! My only thought is will the court stuff ever get done!?

In wonder,

Bri

A Mystery Unravelled

Hi! so for those of you who want something a little bit more interesting to read! Something that peaks the interest of many, I finally started to write from relationships. Though you'll never find that stuff on here LOL! Those who are computer smart and know how to find things, will find my other blog. It's not that it's completely hidden, but I am not going to say where it's posted or the porthole it's posted through! But once you find it, I guarantee you'll see me in a whole new light! From first kisses to the "moment!" It's history in the making!

Well I'm exhausted and this has not been the best of days! Thank God for that special someone that keeps me sane and laughing when I should be crying.

I get to go to a Sonics game tomorrow! I'm so excited! I haven't seen them play live since I was a little girl! Yeah!

Good Night all!

Bri

A Happy Day!

Hi! This is just real quick! I have such an overflowing joy that I can't stop smiling! My relationship with the Lord is amazing again and I can't wait to spend every day with Him! It doesn't matter what I am going through or what has been thrown at me lately, I still have this deep peace and joy in my heart and I am just so overwhelmed with feeling the love of God again! It's truly been an amazing and exciting time lately! I know this next week will hold several blessings big and small for the children and I and I am excited to see where this week will take us! It does not matter what is thrown at me, I have been able to truly smile through it all! I should be in tears as people have told me they would be in my situation, but I just laugh and say that's life! I am looking at life w/a whole new perspective! No matter what happens, I know that God sees the bigger picture and that all that has and will happen is for a reason! So w/all this said, I gotta run! Last minute things to do! I hope you all enjoy your week! Blessings!

Smiling!

Bri

An Amazing Day!

Good Morning and Happy Easter! Well as I said it would be, yesterday was an amazing day! Even better than I thought! I woke up with a text and call from a special person which started off my day absolutely fabulous! Then Bella and I got ready and took off for the whole day and it was a fabulous and fun day! We finally picked up the kids late last night and headed home only to find more surprises of old friends tat had come over to visit! Dinner was delicious and well when they finally left and we crashed I got a good night phone call that put a smile on my face and gave me beautiful dreams!

So today I got the kids ready for church and Lexi looks so stylin w/her new sassy haircut! Though now mommy has to dry, straighten, and flip it so get the oh so hot look! She truly s a lil mode! Now I'm getting Bella and I ready and thought I'd take a moment to write and say just how happy I am and how amazing my life is! And I can tell you this, though her father is absent, she's definitely not lacking in love! She the type of baby that just draws the crowds! With her natural beauty and bubbly personality, she just draws people to her! She has my carefree persona I had as a girl growing up! Though don't take her far from mommy, cuz she's a mommy's girl throuh and through! Though she does like guys! LOL! Probably because their deeper voices draw her to them! But in the end, it's mommy she wants! She truly is a gift from God!

Well lil BelLa and I must shower! But my joy exceeds me! Life couldn't be better right now!

All Smiles!

Bri

A Great Life

Just gotta say real quick before I start the day! Life is amazing and great! Things are fantastic and I am loving it! I also want to say, God is awesome and I am so lucky to know Him! I am falling more in love with my Savior every day!

Isabella is doing great! She got her first molar! And before her other teeth! Bizarre! She’s getting so big and active! We saw some old friends last night and had a ton of laughs!

Alexis and Michael are also getting so big! They are now in t-ball, swimming, soccer, and Lexi is getting ready for her big ballet recital in May!

I am loving Physics and never thought I’d say those words! So, yeah, life is great! I’m getting to do I wanted to do my whole life! So life is great!

Gotta run and get ready! But today is going to be amazing, I just know it!

All Smiles for this blondie!

Bri

Isabella's Dedication

Hi all! Last night was so amazing! Isabella Joy~Leilani was dedicated to the Lord! She was truly a blessing of sorts! Out of 10 baby dedications last night she was the only girl amongst them! The word that was spoken over her was so amazing! Even at a young age she will be filled with faith and full of compassion and wisdom. I will try to get a copy of it to post! So anyhow, she looked perfect, just like an angel! And they had to stop to comment on how beautiful she was! My daughter is a Joy and blessing! Anyone who can’t see that is blind.

The message, in sorts was sorta for her, for her life as well as mine! Isabella is like Timothy from the Bible. While her conception was not done in a covenant of God, her life is just as important as the lives of the children born in a bonded marriage that are in Christ. God has placed a special blessing on her life. And I am excited to see it come to past!

Thank you all to those of you who came. It meant the world to me.

I love you all,

Bri

Happy!

Hi! So today was eventful to say the very least. I have the best, most interesting Anatomy teacher. She’s a hoot and by far the best teacher yet! But she’s also the hardest teacher I have! Her parting words after a 2 hour lecture was if we don’t read chapter 22 before Monday, don’t bother showing up for class. Yikes! So, this weekend I am super busy! I have the kid’s last basketball game this sat. then between time I have to find time to study and play with the kids and then the baby dedication later that evening. Though I am excited! I have to say things are looking pretty great these days! Even with everything that is going on. Things that I will never mention. But yes, I’m loving life and it’s good.

Just thought I’d share!

Happy,

Bri

It's Better to Love: Life's Lesson

Good Morning! I am just sitting here with the baby, as she is talking and smiling at me, and I think to myself, life is too short. Too short to be angry. To short to hate someone. To short to not care about others. It takes more energy to be angry and hate and not care than it does to be happy, love and care! It’s easier to pray God blesses someone than it is to pray that the person that hurt you so deeply gets what’s coming to them and pray God makes them hurt the way they’ve hurt you. Don’t tell me that at at least one point in your life you didn’t wish someone that hurt you felt the pain they had caused you. We’re all human. We’ve all done it! But I woke up this morning and remembered back to my conversation with a great friend, Eric and I once had. He said Bri, it’s harder to love those that hurt you, but that’s what God commands. To love our enemies and those who spitefully use you. I was not ready to hear it then, because I was in the hurt mode. But looking back over the years and the conversations Eric and I have had back and forth, I realized that everything happens for a reason!

Since 2005, I’ve been through a lot of crap. I won’t lie. The very essence of who I was was being tested day in and out from every worldly angle possible. If it wasn’t one thing it was surely another. I still had so much to learn. I was a Christian and knew the Bible back and forth and could at any given moment give you a verse for what you were going through, but trying to grasp it and comprehend it was a different story. I had been so hurt by so many friends and the church of all things. There were times I had no idea why I was still here. I mean why did God choose to save my life so many times? I still wonder at times this, because it seems God seems to be so distant and far away. Where art though God? Why are you hiding? I cried in the night! The only time I was allowed to truly cry was at night so that my children didn’t see mommy’s pain. I was so put together on the outside, but on the inside I wondered where God had been.

I may not know all the answers and I still feel the hurt from the most recent events, but Slowly and surely God has come out of hiding. . . Or is it that I have finally learned yet again how to be still, listen and know His beloved voice? Talking with Jesus is what has gotten my through, especially now. It’s not always easy and I don’t always get the answers I want, but the one thing I am certain of, is that my daughter (the baby) is no mistake. Because of her, I am realizing that it is time to slow down and really open my heart to loving people. I had my other two when I was young, and I don’t think I fully knew, understood or appreciate being a mom and just watching every smile. This time around it’s been different. I don’t feel so alone because I feel God’s presence here helping me raise her. This time not once have I ever gotten angry or upset or even cried when it took minutes to calm her. I would just walk with her and talk to her and sing to her. She has two favorites that really calm her down. The first is He’s got the whole world in His hands. And the second is Oh be careful what eyes what you see! Yesterday, for example, we were at the Y, because Alexis had ballet and she decided to cry. She was so overwhelmed and tired That it took over a half an hour to calm her down! Others looked at me as they passed. Then one old grandmother came over and said she could truly see the love in my eyes for her and that she’d been watching me with her since we got there. I sensed Izzy’s frustration and went with it. No longer do I get a sense that I can’t be a mom... Through all that I’ve gone through and with her having no dad around, you’d think I’d be more stressed. After all, my other two pregnancies were a breeze and the after math I was healthy again right away! This hasn’t been the case with this little one. I had to take the postpartum Blues survey. My doctor said all that I have been going through it’s a wonder I’m even out of bed. She said she herself would be so depressed if she were walking in my shoes. That usually the baby is the first to blame for everything. She cant imagine dealing with what I am still dealing with. I’ve slowly had others tell me they would never even want to walk 30 feet in my shoes because of the things I’ve been through. Yet, I’ve never blamed the baby or the children. She is a blessing and a joy to me!

God is teaching me far more through the path of the unknown that is definitely bumpy, full of pot holes, is so narrow that at times you have to put one foot in front of the other or you’ll fall into the ocean, the path where the thorns from the sticker bushes reach out and snag my cloths, sometimes tearing them to shreds. Yes, I have to say that most of my adult life, I’ve been on this path. I can’t imagine life any other way. Maybe that why I’ve learned to love the very people who use me and hate me. Maybe that’s why I can extend my hand and all that I have to a complete stranger and never want anything in return. I know I will never be a mother Theresa, but I strive for excellence and Pray that God’s mercy gets me through.

Something that I’ve kept hidden deep within my heart is the desire to truly be able to love again and be loved deeply in return. How interesting it is that I’ve had several people, I don’t know and those who don’t know me well tell me that is about to come to past. I know this means growing and stretching and going outside my comfort zone. But last night Eric told me it’s going to happen! He and his wife Bobbie have been there for me in the days where I felt I was drowning in quicksand and there was no way out. They are the type of friends you want to have for a life time because they are real. They tell you how it is but never turn their backs on you no matter what you’ve done. I have to say if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now. They have renewed my belief in God, and when I start to look down, that is when they call, or write to remind me just how much God does love me!

So, what is God teaching me? How to love better, be stronger, be a woman of character, and one who when that day comes will be the proverbs wife to my husband. I’ve got so much to learn but I am learning! Maybe I didn’t get it right the last couple of times, but then again, I truly can’t be the only person that is invested into a relationship. The next time around, I will NOT compromise who I am just to please a man. And he’ll be the most wonderful man! I wont have to be something I’m not or try to change just for him. Besides when I meet a real man who truly isn’t afraid, he’ll loves the kids too and we’ll be a real family.

So with all this said, I must go feed the baby and get ready for school! Smile! And learn to really love those you hate! Pray God blessed them and actually start to care about them, and God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams! Don’t rob yourself of God’s blessings because of the anger you have inside of you! Let go. Forgive. And even be friends with them. Real Friends. That’s what I’ve learned to do and who knew. I am now friends with the very people that hurt me the deepest! When I wanted to hate them and had every right to I forgave them and befriended them. Who knows why people do what they do? Maybe they do love you? Maybe they are jealous? Or just maybe they just need a friend. So look beyond what you see. Look through the microscope to the deeper root of things. Everyone needs compassion! Everyone needs a friend. So try being that to them. Just remember there’s a reason for everything. You may not know their motives or even agree with them, but learn to start putting others above yourself, above your needs. Don’t ask God to change them. Ask Him to change you and your heart.

Love you all,

Bri

The mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
Front of him. When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
Jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open
Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous ’yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee
From under the table And poured the entire contents
Into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

’Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
’I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health,
Friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was
Lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
Car.

The sand is everything else --the small stuff.

’If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued,
’there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
Important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With ALL of your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

’Take care of the golf balls first --the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired
What the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. ’I’m glad you asked’.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

Please share this with someone you care about

Isabella's Dedication

Hi all! A lil Reminder that Isabella will be dedicated This Saturday at 6pm at New Song City Central. It is being held at Urban Grace on 9th and Market in downtown Tacoma. I'd still love for all of you to come!

She is doing well and growing like a lil rose as we say to her! She's now 2 ft tall! I tease Lexi that she'll be taller than her by the time she's a year! Izzy just started rolling over yesterday and had her first "real" bowel of rice cereal tonight! We took lots of pics as she's decided she loves it! She is talking up a storm these days and is always grinning and laughing! She tried to mimic "hi" when we say it to her and it's a riot! She is now in her 3-6 month old clothes and sort of bypassed 0-3! LOL! Before I know it she'll be sitting up and crawling! She is now playing with her toys and is still trying to suck that thumb of hers! She loves her silky though! She surely loves mommy and let me tell ya, we're inseparable! We're a package deal! Izzy, like the other two has brought so much joy to my life and to the lives around her! She brightens the hearts of those who get to know her! Oh and yes, she finally has both ears pierced! LOL! That will forever be something we can laugh about! In fact in her passport photo she only has the one earring! Too cute! Oh I almost forgot, she loves the water and her baths! She gets upset when it's time to get out! Needless to say she'll be starting swim lessons this summer with me! Her grandpa insists on teaching her how to surf already! Well I'd better go. I am pretty worn out these days with the 3! But it certainly is worth it! My 3 are my everything!

Well I hope to see you all there who can make it!

I will e-mail pics soon!

God Bless,

Brianne

Regrets

Oh the things we do in life. Last night a very special person asked me what in life did I regret. He asked if I regretted being married or even my last relationship. While neither turned out as I had hoped, I don't regret it. I don't hate or dislike either man. We just weren't agree on things that really mattered.

I've gotten a million and one questions about Izzy's dad. All I wish to say on the subject is no comment. She has me to love her and she'll be just fine. She's a happy girl and all that matters is her! I just want what's best for her! Maybe some day things will change? Do I like how things are? Or how they ended? On both accounts, no way! But that's out of my hands so I'll do things as peacefully as possible. So again no comment. After all what is there to say? really?

So what do I regret? I'm not so sure. Maybe some day I'll figure it all out. Well gotta run. Got wash my son's hair!

Still in thought,

Bri

The New Me! Lovin Life!

Hi! Can't sleep so thought I'd write quick! So, anyhow, life is good ok. Things could be worse, but they could also be a lot better! At least I have some good friends in these times! I'm just trying to do things peacefully these days. I am so tired of all the drama.

So in that sense. . . The old me (or should I now say? new me?) is back and here to stay! LOL!

Last week, I finally took the steps I needed to, to be a woman again! I am now going out and doing things! I plan on doing a lot more in the coming months!

But the me who kinda gave up on stuff is gone! Now that I lost most of my baby weight, I went out and bought some cute new jeans and tops! It's definitely a new look and a new me! With going back to my beloved blonde hair I knew and loved I now feel a million times better! Not only am I once again confident, cool and collected, but my whole persona has seemed to change. Once again I am that girl whom the teachers say hi to and stop to ask me how it's going, or to tell me how they are. Once again, I'm the girl whom others are coming to for help because I seem to know my stuff. And I can finally say somewhere inside the light finally came on with Physics! LOL! I think I am finally understanding all these laws. With all the math involved it's a wonder, but I am truly getting it!

I have to say, at times, when in weakness, I want to be done with school and maybe just go for a trade such as a hair dresser or something, but then when I am in those science classes and whatnot, when I am struggling to "get it" I think I want to apply all this stuff! Then a light clicks on and I get excited talking with the others about where I'd love to go to Med School. But only God really knows my future. The truth is, there is a man whom has recently caught my attention. He and I talked know each other shall we say well. He asked me about the kids and how all is going. He's been a doll and a sweetie through all of this. He knows how hard it's been, but he hasn't backed down. He hears the joy I have again and knows how much I love the kids and even my little blessing Isabella! I was telling him just last night that when I am stressed and the day has sucked I come home to this grinning, now laughing beautiful baby that just wants mommy. She is playing now and talking up a storm with her squeals of delight! He told me he can tell how much joy she brings me! And so we talk. We talk about his job and how things are. We talk about everything under the sun, from the news to culture to how we'd raise the kids together! LOL! I think he'll be a great dad! No, he's never met the kids. Not yet. I learned the hard way to not let them get involved with any man until he and I are serious to the point of engagement. ONLY then is it truly time to bring them into the equation. I will never let them hurt the way they sometimes still hurt from my last relationship. Besides with the baby, I really have to be cautious! I don't want her around any man who will break her little heart.

But yes, life has great. It is never what I asked for, wanted or expected, but I am me again. The me that way here a year and a few months ago, before I truly lost myself and who I was. Gone are the days of Trying too hard. Because I realized I don't have to. I realized I am worthy of being won over!

I am trying new and fun things like snow shoeing and watching hockey games practically on the ice and sky diving and hiking Mt. Raineer!! This spring I am going white water rafting again! I realized that yes, while I am a mommy first, I need me time. Time to be a woman again, and time to hang with my friends and do the things I love to do and want to try! I was so busy being a mom that I realized I didn't know how to truly be a woman of value! Not until this past week! Sure I may not end up with this guy, but then that's OK. Life is what it is and there is so much more to it than worrying about whether this or that guy likes me! Besides, now that I am doing what I love to do, things are falling into place naturally and I am happy again! I am not so stressed out and it's easier to want to do things and go on new adventures with my children! Some day, God will give me a man to go on life's adventure with and when that time comes Those will truly be the best days of my life! But right now, being me, who I am, who I once was now with a better twist and zeal, these are the best days of my life! I will raise Izzy with the same love as I give my other two! She will be no different! She already is a special blessing and joy in my life! And any person who cant see how wonderful she is, is missing out! Just spending a half an hour with her changes your whole day because her smiles are priceless! Soon, she'll be getting her first tooth, and walking and talking and saying "I love you!" Those days are close by! In fact I measured her just yesterday and she is now 2 feet tall! LOL! she sure is growing fast! The doctors say her height is in the 90%! But she is still so petite! Mike is now 47'' and Lexi finally made the 42" mark! We tease her that Izzy will out grow her by a year!

So that's life! My life! I must go as I get up in a few short hours and have Physics again!

Oh and Izzy is being dedicated this Sat. at 6 in Tacoma! If you want to come, feel free to ask for more details!

Lovin Life,

Bri

On With the Happy Days!

So things are going well, good! Thursday I finally had surgery and the anesthesiologist talked me into a blood patch at the time which I was all over! I gotta say he was the best one I've ever had! We talked and laughed and the rest is history! Just kidding! But really, he is a pretty cool guy! He first started in internal medicine, got bored so went to surgery but wanted to do something more so move to anesthesia! Apparently he stayed with me the whole surgery then checked on me several times after until I was released! I have to say he was a life savor! During birth I got a spinal headache that never went away but went into a migraine for weeks! When I woke up, there was no more headache! The other surgery went excellent too! Though I woke up with my legs in lots of pain!

So onto other things! I am very very happy these days! Tired and well exhausted but happy! I still can't believe I have another beautiful baby! And well things are good. I will leave it at that. Izzy has me and the kids and my family. So she'll be loved regardless. I just can't believe how incredibly beautiful she is! LOL! I prayed for God to bless her with the gift of beauty and He sure heard! She's got the cutest smiles and she talks to us and she gets so excited. Now she even tries to suck her thumb and loves her silky blankey. She's really tall too! She's in the 90% for height but still pretty petite!

Isabella currently has 1 earring! Yes, that is right. I had her ears pierced but her earring in her right ear got stuck in the gun and bent and so we had to pull it out and let it heal. So she'll go back in this week to get it redone. But for now she is my one earring baby! LOL! I have gotten some crazy looks and even some ask if I have a gay baby! I couldn't believe that! Oh well! I say nope, it's the newest fashion statement! LOL! I mean come on!

Well, that's life. The kids are still playing ball and Lexi is still dancing and that is about it!

Better run! Tons to do since I am mommy and daddy both these days! : |

Busy,

Bri

Thank You

Hi all! I just want to thank all of you who kept me in your prayers during my very rough pregnancy! It is because of your prayers I made it through and had a great delivery!

Also thank you for your prayers for Isabella. She is finally feeling better and her smiles and coos are back! So, thank you all for your time and dedication for lifting her up!

Thanks Again!

Love,

Bri

Desperation

Have you ever felt like your prayers weren't being answered? Have you ever been so desperate for God to hear you that you promise Him You'll do anything, even give up that one thing you know you won't even if He does give you what you want? Sure you have great intentions. We all do. . . What I am talking about is sheer desperation! We have all been there! I was there several times over the years.

One time I'll never forget is when I was lying in the Philippines on a straw mat. I could not move. My bones were so weak they were literally brittle! The doctor was called in. I had Dengue Fever. Another common name for it is breakbone fever. I remember the pain to this day. I couldn't move. My fingers even felt to weak to lift. So the Pastor was called in. He did that little prayer over me, you know, the one they do when you're about to pass away! It literally freaked me out. Then his advice was either lie here and die, or get up and walk! I was NOT going to die there. Thousands of miles away from my home! It took every ounce of desperation I had to Cry out to God. I'll never forget the words I could barely whisper, as my mouth was so dry it felt like it was stuffed with cotton. "Oh God! Let me live!" That all I had in me. I then closed my eyes waiting to die yet having faith to live. Then it happened. Just like that. A warmth washed over my body. I'm not sure the time period, but I knew God had healed me! Let me tell you though, I was still very weak! But I knew that there was a God and if I had faith like a child I could get up and walk yet again! I mean shortly before this I was in a car accident so horrific that I should've been decapitated at the waist! (another story for another time!) I knew what desperation was. It took every ounce of my being to have faith! I knew that God had spared my life for what was to come. Why He chose to spare me and still spares me often I have no idea! I believe that my work is not yet accomplished! Shortly after this We were able to pray for the sick, paralyzed, deaf, blind, etc. and they were all healed! We saw miracles that were beyond our understanding and it could only be the power of Jesus within us! I saw first hand true healing!

But I was not satisfied in my spirit. There was more to do. God was only preparing me, preparing all I'd gone through in the past for what was to come. Well we went on a walk one evening. A few of the guys a few girls and myself. I had the crazy idea to go head to head with the witches and warlocks in the town. A few of the others thought it was crazy but here we were in one of the darkest places in the Philippines and I knew God was ready to speak! It is amazing when you know you have power of the demons! Well I was pumped! Needless to say one cannot enter into spiritual warfare lightly! But I was no stranger to it. So yes, we sought out them! They invited us in. They knew why we'd come! Looking around, I'll never forget the places we went to! They were all cold, dark and you could feel a heavy, evil presence. But as we entered they demanded to know with what authority we came in. I'll never forget it! I responded, I come with the authority of Jesus Christ, who rose from the death, and greater is He who is in my than he who is in the world. I come with the power to silence the demons and they must flee. With that I spoke directly to the demons. After they tried to cast spells on us and we used the word of God (it was long and exhausting), we finally broke the chains of darkness. We were thrown out of some places as they shrieked in terror at the name of Jesus and we actually delivered others, only through the power of God within us. But yet again, this was not enough.

I felt a stronger desperation. I knew there was even more than miracles and spiritual warfare. I knew it was time to finally follow the great command. I'll never forget that day. We were told to go to all the houses and preach the gospel at all costs. This was not easy with a language barrier. I remember taking a good friend, Nate with me. He was so bummed because he hadn't really led anyone to God. I on the other hand have been evangelizing since about 4 or so. I know because my mom said I preached about Jesus every where even from grocery cart baskets! Well, I'll never forget that day because I told Nate, let's pray for 2 souls today! And we did. We went from house to house. We were invited in and talked but kept hitting the wall. Know what I mean. Finally we came to a house with guns in front of the door and I stopped and said this is it! We are at the chosen house! I was so excited because I already knew. Yet Nate said no way Bri. Look at the house, we'll get killed. We aren't even supposed to be preaching here. (I had taken him into a different part than the rest of the group because I like to wander where I am led). I said it's OK Nate. Trust me. Now I was but an 18 year old with no fear. I figured God did not heal me earlier to die on that door step. I went up to the door. A woman answered it. I asked if she and her daughter whom was standing right behind her would please come out. They did. I told them why we'd come. They said they heard it already from the mormons and weren't interested. I told her we were not them. But wanted to give them a free gift. A gift of eternal life. That there was nothing they could do to earn it because God had already given it to them. I explained it to them as I would a little child. Nate chimed in. I knew their hearts were breaking and I pulled out a bible I had boughten earlier in their language. This is for you, I told them! This is God's gift to you! He loves you! They started to weep and asked for us to pray with them to accept God's free gift! As we walked away I'll never forget my friend's face. In that moment he and I shared something so amazing that no one could ever take from either of us! We finally led people to God! He was so pumped he told everyone. Their was no better feeling than to know that because of your desperation someone now knows God!

So, we did it. Desperation! That strong desperation stayed with me over the years. I remember being one of the strongest prayer warriors and everyone kind of just expected that when I came people got saved. I was in tune with God, and I knew whom He was ready to speak with! Weird I know. But I heard God's voice just as clearly as I can hear my children's. Some where along the way though after I moved to Washington I stopped seeking to hear as I used to. Maybe it was because people did not understand and made fun of me. maybe it was in sheer desperation to just fit in with my peers. I was tired of being the odd one. The one that had a message for the church or the college or for a single soul. Had I become ashamed of the anointing He placed on me? Over the years, I fell into the world. my desperation to hear, know and obey God was disappearing. I had a new desperation. To just fit in with the crowd, even if I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I would only cry out when I hit bottom which in the past couple of years seemed to be frequently. I let my self-worth fly out the window as I lost sight of who I was and why God saved my life so many times.

It wasn't until recently I had a renewed desperation to get to know God yet again. And yet I felt so ashamed, how could I come back and expect God to forgive me for all those years. But I knew He did. The ironic thing is. I knew I was pregnant with Isabella before tests could tell. In fact they all said negative. One night I lied in bed and I'll never remember it. It was that soft whisper from God. You are pregnant and you will conceive a child. I was afraid of that. I questioned the voice because every test, even my blood tests came back negative. Yet that voice was God's.

Now I am back to that desperation. I want to know God so much more! I want to walk in the Faith I once had. I'm ready to see miracles happen. I know God has started telling me about others yet again. I know things about others simply because God lays it on my heart! But you know what? I no longer care what people think of me. I no longer care if I am called weird or a Jesus Freak. In the end, I know what God has said. So, I cry out in desperation. To be honest, the whole time I was pregnant I prayed day and night without ceasing for Isabella's Dad. That he'd come back to God and find his faith.

I know I'm probably the last person God should speak to or tell things to, but I've come to realize all the degrees in the world don't compare to hearing God's voice, even once. I'm more driven to hear God for myself and others than to get a degree in anything. Why did God save me so many times? I'm not sure. But I do know I have so much more I want to see and do. I am not content. I can only hope I pass my passion for Christ onto my children.

So, with this very long story, when you have time, listen to this sermon! It is truly amazing! It made me want to find my renewed desperation to want more of God!

Well, I am tired and have a baby to feed and laundry to fold. So good night! If any of you wants prayer for your life feel free to ask! I can seek God for you! Remember He even uses the weak and broken-hearted.

Love you all!

Bri

http://cdn3.libsyn.com/newsong/Desperation.mp3

What is Normality? My Norm

What is normality? Each person can define it as something different. Because in, life what may be normal to one person may seem weird to another. So here is my life now. The norm

Last night I lay awake all night because Isabella had her shots and could not sleep unless she was resting on my chest. So, I got no sleep. So, then I start to think back on my life. Here is what was and what is.

Looking back I have to say somewhere this past year I kissed the "single" life or what was my life away. No, not because I was pregnant, but I think it was over the past months especially that I really have changed. Some may say for the better, while others say no way! Well, gone is that gal that use to really care what others thought. I'm no longer 23 and spontaneous! My idea of that is going out on a date with a guy I hadn't seen in months, hoping things hadn't changed too much, well besides the fact that now instead of having a baby inside of me it is outside of me! LOL!

Seriously though. I look at my closet of what was. Old cute outfits lay untouched for months some for a year now. Now I just feel like pulling on an old comfortable pair of jeans and loose sweatshirt with some sneakers. Instead of having sparkling outfits covered in just the right amount of perfume, my newest attire by the end of the day consists of some baby spit-up, spilled chocolate milk, and dirt. Can you guess from whom? You got it the kids! Usually it's Mike that spills and Alexis who gets hurt outside. So mom to the rescue, not caring anymore that my once fresh outfit will be destroyed! My blonde curly hair usually is frizzy by the end of the day because little Izzy loves to pull it! I am lucky if makeup makes it to my face once a week! The closest thing that crosses me face most days is a lil lipgloss. I'm lucky when mascara graces my eyelashes! If I do my makeup it when I have 2 extra minutes at school before I run in to class.

What replaces my friends laughs are those of the children. Instead of going out to a bar or dance club catching up on the latest gossip and sleeping in on Saturdays until 10, Are nights filled with the kid's activities, dinner, prayers and good night kisses! Then off to bed myself from the sheer exhaustion of the day! Saturday mornings I'm up with the sun as the kid's always have a game in some sport. Right now it's 9AM basketball games.

In school, I no longer talk to the "hot" guys, rather look for the smart ones, and become friends with them. I care more about A's than a date or a casual flirting during class! I go from taking classes like theater to classes like physics. Most days I slide into my seat right before the teacher calls my name, and of course they all know me, because I am the only white blonde in the classes!

Parties are out of the question these days unless they are birthday parties. Which of course I have had some complaints as I use to host some pretty off the hook parties! Now I am glad to be sitting down to dining at nicer restaurants. Even if it means eating an orange blood salad! LOL! Those of you who know me know the story!

Yes, life has changed. I've grown up quite a bit. Gone is the girl who loved to party and is replaced with a mom whose kids are her world! Maybe life isn't supposed to always stay the same. Change is good! And kids force you to change. At least those who have matured enough to know when it is time to grow up!

Some say I am still indecisive and sure that is probably true on some accounts, but I also know what I want. It is a life of love with the kids. I don't want to miss them growing up, so this is my norm! It took a LOT to get me to this point.

I never thought I'd see the day come. And it came and went and I no longer care. The past, my past is done. Isabella, is a blessing and just as much loved as the other two regardless how she was conceived. Well, thought I'd write. I have so much more on my mind, but well, it's time to actually study! So, what's your norm? Have you grown up yet and become the person God wants you to be?

Love you all,

Bri

Izzy, Sportsmanship, and Life

Hi all! Isn't it just a beautiful morning?!

Well I have to say I was very excited that the Giants won the superbowl, though I was on the edge of my seat! I was so glad Eli Manning got MVP too! Now both brothers have it! Sweet! What a thing to share with one of your siblings! Talk about sweet success and talent!

So, Isabella was in the hospital again last night! For now they ruled out asthma which is so great! She no longer has pneumonia but now it's just a virus. The weird thing is, the doctors have no idea what virus it is now. I mean she's ran a temp for over 8 days! Though there are times that she is just the happiest baby and her smile makes your whole day all better, even if in that moment everything was awful! Somehow it all seems to melt away and disappear when she looks at you and smiles her sweet smile! So yes, I am one happy mommy! Yesterday morning her fever broke for a short time so we danced and sang and she smiled and cooed then she giggled! It was so cute! Her very first laugh! It has a light gingle to it and floated in the air like that of a soft angel! It was only once but I'll never forget that sound and can't wait to share in many many more with her!

So anyhow this morning we are going to my school to get books and get it all taken care of! I am so excited to start and yet who knows what God has for me, for us these next few months! It'll be hard to get away!

Meanwhile I am trying to teach my son sportsmanship. He decided he was NOT playing ball cuz his sister couldn't so he threw a fit and said he would not go. Oh but he went! I told him even if he sits on the bench he would be there to support his team. I want him learning now that it's never ok to just quit. You stay and ride it out and support your team. That it takes practice to get good and you have to work at it. He was not thrilled to sitting on that bench but I think he is learning that you don't give up you stick with it. He has a great coach that keeps encouraging him. So Izzy and I sat and watched the game and I put my camera away. Maybe next Sat. I will be able to take pics. Meanwhile his coach is going to give Alexis one more chance to play. He said maybe it'll help Mike get the courage to play in the games. HMMM! I do know Izzy was mesmerized by the ball. Her head would bounce with it and she kept her eyes on it the whole game even when it rolled right by her which was hilarious! Now some say why let them even play at this age? Well because it teaches them at a young age what sportsmanship is about and they can start to find out what they are good at and what they would love to do. It gives them the chance to get out there and spread their wings even if they aren't NBA Pros! LOL Besides it helps them find something of their own with Izzy here now! I once asked him when we first started dating a year ago why he had his daughter in everything, and he said cuz she likes it. I didn't understand it. Not until now. And now it's reversed lol! But in my case it helps my older two have something of their own that is special. That people are there for them, not the baby. So in a sense I am glad I met him, cuz I wouldn't have my kids in everything right now If I hadn't. Besides I am thinking about joining a class during their practices. We shall see!

Anyhow, that's our life right now! It may not be that exciting to you all, but to me it's just enough for now!

Sure I get the questions all the time of why finish school, and don't do this and that and definitely don't do medicine, but you know what? I'll do whatever it is I fall into. We all have a passion and a calling. I have always wanted to do medicine. Always. I use to want to be a plastic surgeon for Operation Smile and do it for free for families in need for burn victims and the like, but I am not sure I want to do plastics anymore. I am not even sure what I want to do anymore. But something. So for now, I am getting my degree in Bio and I'll go from there.

Well, this is my life. Our life! As the kids grow, as Izzy grows and goes through all her firsts, I'll write about them! The one first I am not looking forward to with any of my kids is their first heartbreak! Sigh..... Though I'm the expert at having that happen to me. So maybe I can help spare them a little!

Take Care Everyone!

Bri

Izzy Hearing Test! Please Pray!

Hi all! Izzy is still very under the weather and will only let me hold her and only rests when she's in my arms right now. Which as of this very moment s all curled up in my very weak arms.

Anyhow She has an appointment with a hearing specialist tomorrow morning, because she failed her first 2 newborn screenings. So please pray she passes her tests tomorrow. I don't want something else to worry about. Well I'd better try to get some sleep even if it's with her lying on my tummy. But please pray she passes with flying colors this time!

Good night all!

Worn Out

Hi all! OK, yes, I would love your prayers for my precious baby girl! Life has been a little overwhelming the past few days. She got sick and between that and all the appointments and the the two others I am drained. Yesterday alone I had 6 appointments back to back. And it wasn't fun with driving in the snow from Bremerton to Lakewood!

I feel so helpless trying to care for baby Izzy! I myself am definitely undergoing postpartum trauma to my body. The doctor's aren't sure why I started to hemorrhage almost 6 weeks later, but I am. Not a fun thing. So trying to fix my and take care of Izzy on my own has been more than exhausting. As the saying goes when it rains it pours.

Then I start crying cuz I feel so overwhelmed doing it all on my own and my thought wander back to the things that were said to me. Such as it will be better if I give her up 4 adoption because she needs both a mommy and daddy who love her and are there 4 her. Not just a mommy who loves her. Cuz maybe they are right and having just a mommy who loves you is not enough. Especially when my kids start asking questions. I just feel so helpless in all of this.

So prayer. I definitely could use some of that. Cuz at times like this I feel as if I am not good enough of a mother and like giving up. I just wish I did have someone to lean on and talk to when my daughter is sick.

Exhausted,

Bri

PEASE PRAY FOR ISABELLA!

HI all! Please pray for Isabella. She has a 102.3 temp and pneumonia. She's been pretty listless the past 24 hours and if her temp goes up she'll be admitted into the hospital. She's had blood work, a catheter for urine, and x-rays. She's barely eating or wetting. Her doctor is concerned about seizures if her temp keeps spiking. Even with Tylenol it keeps rising. So Please, Please keep little Izzy in your prayers!

Worried,

Bri

Love

I lOVE LIFE and Isabella!

The Good Life!

Hey! So life is good lately! Well besides recovering from everything, which my doc said will take some time! I was finally released to go to school again, so I am really excited!

We've been living in Bremerton because well our house is being torn apart with demolition! And it's been a nice break away from all the chaos! Izzy and I have just been chillin lately, cuz the other two are with their daddy this weekend!! She has been sleeping through the night lately and it makes me so happy! I feel refreshed and alive again for the first time!

This morning Izzy and I shared play time with lots of grins and even her first giggle! I was so excited! My lil baby girl is starting to laugh and coo and talk to me! She is growing so quickly! She even sucks her thumb every now and then when she finds it! She is definitely my lil sunshine and she brings me so much joy, thus her middle name! Her eyes are still blue and slowly turning brown! Her hair is blonde still but has some brown in it now! She's 21 and 1/2 inches and a lil over 8 pounds! She's so petite and she'll be 6 weeks tomorrow! Boy does time really fly! It's been so amazing and every day I look at her, every smile we share, I see so much beauty! I truly am blessed and she is a blessing! I thank God for her a million times a day and told her mommy's always wanted her! Her lil personality is so bright and sweet! She gets so excited at the littlest things and now when she hears my voice her eyes light up and she turns to look for me! There is nothing quite like that of having your lil baby know only you as her world! And I am her entire world! Today we started having tummy time! Though the ironic thing is she loves her tummy time! She is pushing up and looking around! I can't imagine even one day without her. I miss her for even a brief time if I run somewhere and have my parents watch her. It's so weird cuz I prefer to take her with me everywhere! I can't imagine leaving her ever!

So yeah, life has been amazing, wonderful and great! It couldn't be better right now! God is amazing and no matter what is thrown at me, I will be able to handle it, cuz I am back to being me! I learned in a bible study that I use to do with Tammy and JoL through Captivating that I am a strong, confident, woman and I only need God to validate my true self worth! I know I am a beautiful woman that He has made! And someday, He'll unite me with that amazing man He has just for me! And someday, the kids and I will have our happily ever after! LOL! But for now I am truly happy!

Life never is what we expect it! But that's the beauty of it! I still find joy in the small things such as watching the kids play basketball! I am trying to teach Alexis that you bounce a ball not kick it! And Mike is learning to swim without help! He and I talked about surfing! He wants to surf at the age of 9! So I told him we have to continue swimming! He is so funny because he wants to do something while Lexi is in ballet and I said he could do gymnastics and he said "mommy that's for girls!" LOL! He sure is funny! I love all of my kids! They are my life! They are growing so quickly!

Well that's life right now! I am just so filled with a happiness and a calmness! My life definitely has not turned out as I wanted it or expected it, but hey, It only makes me stronger. I mean I never wanted or expected to be a single mom of 3, but the Lord saw this day before He made the world, and He saw my heart and he knew how much I could handle! I suppose that all the hurt I've gone through in life has really made me stronger. I guess the only way to learn is by getting hurt, hu? This doesn't mean I'm closed to really loving again someday, though! Some day there really will be a man that will love me as I love him! And he'll love all my kids! And as for now, when that day does come, and I am still the only one in Izzy's life, maybe he'll adopt her. I can't say as of now what will happen though. But, I do know that no one, no man, will define who I am or what I am worth!

So all, I hope you are having a great weekend! I hope life is going well! And guess what? Izzy and I are doing just fine together! I look into her eyes and know we'll be just fine even if it is just us and her siblings! Well I better go, it's time to feel my little bundle of joy! She just woke up and her lil bright blue eyes are staring expectantly into mine!

Lovin Life,

Bri

Life is Happening

Life is funny how it works out, isn't it?

A year ago I never expected to be where I am today. I thought I'd be deep in my studies in Hawaii, in nursing school, since I did get accepted in HPU. A lil turn of events not only postponed that for good but changed my life forever.

Looking back I was faced with so many unanswered questions, left with doubt, shame and embarrassment. I was even told to wear a ring so I wouldn't get the looks of being pregnant. I refused to. All the while enduring the dirty looks and the snickering I loved my lil baby that was growing inside of me. Yes, I had to drop out of school and my dream nursing school quickly vanished into the tossing of the waves, but the new waves that are crashing in bring in a new hope, joy, happiness, and beauty that never existed before. With the birth of Isabella, I was left with tears, hope, anger and joy. So many emotions all at one time. I'd lie in my bed crying and yet still be filled with so much love for this little girl. She is truly teaching me things I would never have learned had I not had her. I am learning for the first time, it is OK to ask for help when I need it and to be there when I'm needed. I am taking more time to enjoy her as a baby, because I had the other two at such a young age, I don't think I quite understood nor appreciated the beauty of being a mom or just raising a baby! She looks into my eyes as if I am her only world! It touches the very core of my being! She is truly a blessing and a gift from God. I am forced now to face life in such a different way.

I am learning to open up to others and have become friends with complete strangers all because I have a baby. The amazing thing is having a baby attracts all sorts of people and even the men are swooning over how beautiful she is! And she truly is a beautiful baby! I prayed every day when I was pregnant to give me a beautiful little girl! And God heard my prayers and answered them!

However, today was quite a different day. The older two, are now in basketball, which by the way is absolutely hilarious! It's like watching Eric's lil' Heroes! So anyhow, I decided to go get a sub from subway and take a break from watching and so Izzy and I left for a few minutes. I sat in the back of the place in the Y feeding Izzy her bottle while I ate. It was one time I wanted to be alone. But I looked up to see this guy looking at me. I thought what is this? I mean his gaze was so steady that I felt uneasy for the first time. So, I looked behind me out the window to see if he was indeed looking beyond me. I turned around to meet his gaze again. I suddenly became very concious and tried to look every where but meet his gaze. I was thinking what does he want from me? I have a baby, I am just in jeans and a T with my hair pulled into a pony and no makeup. Hardly a person worth noticing. Especially today with the baby. And yet I couldn't match his gaze. He finally grinned and winked at me and I thought OK, I am dreaming and I'll wake up, cuz this guy was indeed more than handsome! He walked over to me and asked if he could sit. I said sure, I'm just leaving! LOL! OK, not the best thing, cuz I was so shy for the first time. I am not usually like that. He said he would see me around and winked. I said, um yeah sure. Maybe. I wiped my mouth for the thousandth time and said goodbye! LOL! I hurried past him and back into the safety of the crowd! I guess I am not use to that anymore. Cuz all I've seen myself as lately is just a mom. For the first time this stranger made me feel like a woman again. LOL! I have a feeling that I will see him again. Don't ask me why.

So, life is definitely great! I have 3 beautiful children all unique in their own way and I love them all so much! I am getting my bachelors, something I never thought I'd truly attain, and someday I will prayerfully be back in the mission field. So, life is great! Love will someday follow. But for now all I truly need is the love of God and my family. God will bless me in His timing! And then I will never regret a minute of anything. I don't regret anything as of now! I have 3 children, who cares how I had them, I do. I have only learned from my past, from the hurt, as well as the joyous times! I may not have a date this Valentine's and it'll definitely be different than last year's but just the same, I will be happy! And someday I'll have a date for the rest of my life! But maybe this is good! Because I am back in school and need to concentrate anyhow. No more bumps in the road or distractions! Even if it takes me 3 more years to get my BA I will. I will not let others tell me I am too old or can't do it. I can do anything I put my mind to! And guess what, I am excited for school! I love learning!

So, this is my life! I am happy and I consider my life to be blessed and lucky!

Love you all and goodnight!

Bri

Times Change

Hi! It's official! I am diving into the intellect of minds! That's right, I am back as student in college! LOL! I love school and miss it! But I have to say, this semester is going to be one of the tuffest semesters ever with my classes! I guess in a way I no longer have the distractions of men. . . So that could be a good thing. I mean there is no wedding to try and plan this summer after all, so mind mind won't be distracted. Though with Isabella still nursing every 3 hours I am not sure how I will function. I was told because I had to medical withdraw I have to get a B+ or better. I am of course going to push myself for A's but we shall see.

With being involved in church again, school, and the kids, I am a very busy woman! But it will be great for me to get out and be with other adults who share my passion!

I know looking back that it's going to be sad when I don't marry this summer, but at the same time I believe it is best. He wasn't who God has for me. I deserve to be treated with Respect, and as a woman to begin with! I am more than just a mom. There is a separate side to me. And he lost that in knowing I was a mom. I am a woman and I deserve to be treated as a one of God's beautiful gems, as one of my best friend's Tammy says! So, I will wait on God, and He will bring me a man in His timing that will be perfect for me and one who wants to be spoiled and loved as well! I have so many passions and desires! One of them missions and traveling! I want to share more with a guy than just laughing every now and then!

So, I guess that's me for now! I gotta run! At least 2 of my kids still have a dad who wants to be a part of their lives! Some day, Izzy will to! And when that day comes, when God brings me that man, I will let him adopt her as his own!

Until next time, smile and enjoy the weekend! And instead of thinking of all you're missing out on, think of all God has given you and what you have right now! Enjoy life and take time to love your family!

All Smiles,

Bri