A Greater Purpose!

Hi! So I woke up this morning, yes, somewhat still in pain. The reason I didn't write yesterday is because I was having severe contractions and at one point I thought the doctor was gong to have to take her. I felt as if I were going to pass out from the pain. Now mind you, I still want to go natural as long as possible in hopes that she does turn. I want as little side affects as possible on my baby girl. Yes, I have a ton of drugs I've been given. Enough so, that I would never feel any pain. But that is not what childbearing is all about! There is a reason God made it the way it is! But lil' Izzy is still safe and snug in there which the doctors are counting as a true miracle! They don't see her staying put much past 32 weeks though and if she does, it'll be a blessing! Every day, every hour, every minute counts now!

But despite all of this. Despite doing it all alone, I am OK with it all. I finally put her crib together and am painting her changing table and dresser. I don't have anything else, so I must now save for a stroller, carseat, bedding, etc. But somehow how God'll provide since I am doing it completely alone. Maybe this is the time that He is testing me and my faith once again in Him. Knowing there's no possible way I can do it on my own. But Isabella will bring me joy amongst all the heartache. She may end up looking like her father, but I think in time, I will no longer think of him. I know he will not be around because he made that decision, and I also know I will get no child support whatsoever, so as some have said it'll almost be as if I never knew him.

I know that it may be hard on Izzy, but she'll have me and I will raise her in love and with God's Word and I will pray she has a tender, kind heart as her sister has! She will be nothing but a blessing to me and I will not ever think once that she wasn't wanted. I have always wanted her. I hadn't planned for her per say, but God gave her to me early! Only He sees the bigger plan! He knows what is supposed to happen with Isabella. He knows her life and what she will become!

Yes, I pray I do make it through it all! As Ryan told me live like you were going to live. So, I will. If I don't, well then I will die like I was going to live! LOL!

Well anyhow, I am really groggy so I am going to go lay down!

Smile! and the world will smile with you!