Time for Change

Hi! I just got home from the docs. I am getting use to the progesterone shots, though they still sting for a while! Izzy's heartbeat is pretty high today though. it's close to the 200's, so I have to be careful. As of now, my doc. said she has more of comfort knowing she hasn't come yet and said the chances of her finally turing head down is still 50%, which means I can avoid the dreaded c-section! That was somewhat good news! If she waits in there until next week Fri, I will be having another untrasound to find out what she is doing in there. Though who knows as I keep effacing! Such is the pregant life with a high-risk pregnancy! The Dr. said it's most likely because of all the stress I've been undergoing that is causing all the preterm labor!

So, on to a different note. . . I have been considering the offer to HPU for their nursing program! It may just be what I need to have a fresh start. . . But we shall see. I got in for this past year, but due to being pregnant and the whole Ryan thing, I had to put it on hold. But I am tired of putting my life on hold. I think it may be good for the kids as well! I am really missing Hawaii these days, so we'll see.

A good friend of mine who lives in California said I should move down there and finish school. That's also a possibility. We have known each other for a while and it'd be a good change for me.

I am realizing that Ry is never going to come around, but I am think I am also realizing that may be OK. I know he's Izzy's dad, but if it is not him, I know God has someone who will be perfect for the children and I in His timing. It's just trusting God and coming to that place of contentment in Him that will get me through.

It's been extrememly difficult because I was doing really well spiritually when Ryan and I broke up in June. I didn't want to compromise my life any longer. Though I missed Ryan, I was finding my peace in God and just trusting Him for His will. Then Ry decided in the very beginning of August he really missed me and thus things began again. They turned into great times and we were always happy when we saw each other! Then at the very end of Sept. he again decided we couldn't make it work. I was so angry and frustrated how he comes and goes. I just want someone who is consistant! We talk every now but I unless God changes things it just won't happen. Which is a sad thing considering everything. Yes, I do still love him, but I have decided that it's best for the kids and I to just move on. I'm not sure what will happen with Isabella yet. But no matter what, I'll always love her!

So, as I sit here and ponder what God is about to do next, what He has to say (I am almost afraid) I also know that at some point things will come to be as He has spoken them! What I mean is that I have had prophecies over my life of what is to come. I can't see it ever happening, not in a million years, but lets see the same man who prophecied all the good stuff to come also prophecied the bad things that were to come and yes, they all came to past! So, one can only hope God had the good left now, right?

I have a STRONG desire and passion to go back into the mission field, at least for medical missions! Someday I want to do a crossroads with YWAM with my kids and someday husband if that is to be. But I am done being in this holding place in my life and am ready to live it again! I am ready to start walking in God's Word and Will again, completely. I know that means giving up the part of me that is so much in the world. But I think that with Ryan out of the picture, I know I can. He was my downfall when it came to temptation. He always was. So, now I only want God's will. Whatever that may be.

Well that's it for the randomness of subjects!

Time to go for now. So much to do, so little time to do it in.

Smiles for Now!

Bri