Loving Life!

Hi all! So on to other things! Life has been a ton of fun with the kids lately. Despite everything, maybe it was good to be sent on bedrest, because I have had a ton of time with the kids lately!

Alexis is in ballet still and had an open class today! How much she's improved! It's adorable! She is also loving Preschool and is so smart!

Michael is loving Kindergarten and is in the excellerated Math and Science program.

Both of the kids are playing soccer and loving it! Alexis has the coach wrapped around her finger and had him holding her the first practice because she was "cold!" They also have swimming lessons because if they are around water, they need to know how to swim! That's a must! But they are totally loving it! I love spending all the extra time with them and putting them to bed! I can't wait for Izzy to come and join our family! The kids can't wait either! But as excited as we are I want her to wait a few more weeks at least! She needs a chance of surviving without lifetime complications!

I am not sure how I am going to make it with 3 kids and finish college but obviously God knows how I will do it all! I know I won't get any child support whatsoever for Isabella, so life for the first year or 2 will be extremely difficult and tight. But I am trusting God to get us all through! I've made it so far with 2 kids and no husband around to help out, so God will give me the strength to do it with 3. I will never see Izzy as a mistake or a burden! I love her just as much as the other 2. It doesn't matter that I wasn't married to her father or that we'll never be married. It doesn't matter any longer that he doesn't really want her, or want either of us in his life. As much as I'd like her to know her dad, I am NOT going to beg him any longer to be a dad to her. It's his choice to walk away. It truly is his loss. His loss for walking away from me (because he'll never find any other woman that will have loved him or will love him as I did), and his loss from walking away from his own daughter. I honestly can't understand how any man can just abandon his own daughter. I really can't. That's not a fatherly love. She has done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve that, but I will not force it. Either it happens or it doesn't.

I know I am not given a high chance of making it through, and if I indeed still have to have a a c-section because she won't turn, and don't make it, she'll go to him. But if I do and she makes it as well, I just can't give my baby girl away! I am the one that has been there for her this whole time and loved her completely and have gone through all this. I wouldn't abort her no matter what and I can't give her away! So, yes, Isabella is a part of my family!

So for now though I have not really heard from him or even know if he'll be at her birth I am done worrying. I am going to enjoy life and just trust God!! Besides God knows what I need! He knows what the kids need and will only give me the best! So I have to trust Him, cuz the longer I try to do it on my own or my own way, the longer I will have to wait for God to bless me and give me the miracles I truly do need! I don't need this going back and forth and having a hope for something that won't happen.

So that's life now. I am smiling again, even through the pain and contractions and back labor! I wouldn't care if I go through this for even another 7 weeks or so just so Isabella can have a real chance! I want to take her home with me when I go home! I don't want her staying in the NICU with problems! I'll do whatever it tales to give her that chance!

For now though, I seriously have to go lie down cuz well, it's taken a few hours to write this through the contractions! LOL! I am exhausted! This is no 48 hour labor! LOL! It's weeks! Friday I get another ultrasound if I haven't had her and all stays at this pace. I also get checked to see if she has turned and how much more I am effaced and dilated!

So good night for now! Smile, Life could always be worse!

Love ya all!

Bri