Movie, song, and letting go

So tonight I saw Harry Potter the new one. It was weird because after the movie I got this bizarre feeling and a peace come over me. For some reason I was ready to let Ryan go. I got a feeling that the most important thing is my children, all of them. They always have been, but realizing that love and friends are more important than something that went away hit me during this movie. It's not like it's an insightful movie or anything, but the holy spirit speaks in different ways. So, while I still love Ryan, I am finally giving him into God's hands and telling Him Your will be done. I will continually pray for him every day, but I must try and let him go. I must let go of that I love the most. If it truly is of God, some day He'll work it out. Of course I will continue to love him, and at times I may write a thing or two about our life that we had but it seems like my journals always disappear so I know that it will remain safe on here. I want to preserve the memories for our child so that what little and what special time we did have and what love we did have the child will know something of it's daddy and will have the good memories.

On the way to pick up the kids the song Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood came on. The tears flooded my eyes and I told God OK take the wheel for good. I know that I want I want to do and what I do is so difficult. I do want to be happy so it's time I give God my heart back to fix and make whole again. It's time I get on with my life because I finally realized Ryan isn't coming back. He chose to leave his baby, the kids and I. I know we were happy and I know he was happy being with me. I also know he was afraid of the commitment so he made excuses and bailed. I should hold that against him, but I've forgiven him. I just have a heavy heart now because I don't want this baby feeling like it's been abandoned as well, by its daddy!

What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Just because i am letting go of Ryan, doesn't make it any easier. What do I tell the child if it's own daddy doesn't even come to it's birth? And how do I tell it it's daddy didn't want anything to do with it. How can anyone deny there child?
I'm in need of wisdom these days!