Not my will, but God's!

Good Morning! It's been a while since I've written. There really isn't much going on. Yesterday however, God said to me, Just wait. Don't look into the future, take one day at a time. So, later He said I will reveal all in perfect timing and you will come to see why you went through what you did. That He is using my life and all that I've gone through and what I am going through as a witness. He also said that He will give me a man that is perfect for me and one that will love me regardless of having 3 children and that he will love the children as his own. Some think it may be David. Ironic, because he called last night at 4Am as I was coming home. We were talking and I was talking about the kids as they truly are the loves of my life and I was telling him how excited I was to have this baby! And I said if it's a boy, I'll have to have him circumcised on the day that God says to so he'll feel the least amount of pain. He said he didn't remember so I said he should really read his Bible more! LOL! He said he didn't know what it was like and then I was talking about how when a child gets there blood drawn or shots and the parents have to hold them down it was horrible for the parents and I always felt like with them. I said he will experience that when he had a child and he quickly said "when we have a child." I said woah! I am already having one, just wait a bit! That kinda scared me! I just started to date him, and it's not even that serious because I have gone out with a few other guys besides him. I am NOT committing to anyone right now! For goodness sakes, I am pregnant, and my hormones will change once I have this child! I just got out of a serious relationship, and I loved him, so I am not looking to get serious again any time soon. Besides he'd just be a rebound.

So, then I realized or maybe God brought it to my thoughts, but when I met Ryan, there were several men pursuing me at that time. I ended up choosing Ryan. I told the other men I wasn't interested. Then I fell in love and the guys that I use to like became nothing to me. So, with that revelation I also realized that since we've broken up, I've had several men pursue me again. I am very choosy though. LOL! But seriously. I realized that even though I am pregnant, doesn't mean my life is over. Ryan chose to walk away. My folks think he was more scared that I didn't have a degree to have some kind of job to help support us. That he was too afraid to support the kids and I and so started pulling away and made excuses. But regardless, for whatever reason, he did. And now I look back and think would I really want to be married to a man that has no idea what he wants? When I get married again, I don't want another divorce. I want to be married for life, so I want to know that we both are happy in love. It doesn't work when one person does 99% of the work and love. I wouldn't have wanted to marry Ryan unless he truly loves me and that means he has to realize he doesn't love ANY other woman. I am NOT going to be a woman he or any one settles for! Geez! I have men who do want to spend time with me. So, I move on. I play with and take care of my children and really love life! I love being with the men who really appreciate being with me! So, with this said, Those are my thoughts.

Maybe someday, things will make sense. God told me to be very specific when I pray for what I want and He will give me the desires of my heart! Now that I realized I don't want anything out of His will men included, He is now ready to start blessing me! But let me tell you, it took a lot of struggling, arguing and being angry with God for taking things and those I love away. I told God I was done with it all! I let Him know how mad I was. And as I lay in my bed quietly, God quietly but firmly said, "Brianne, my daughter, you have done everything you want, and you have walked in your will and in your ways. Life hasn't worked out, because that is not what is good for you. I have something SO much better for you! When you are ready to walk in My will and only want what I have for you, I will give you something so much better than what you could ever dream of! Brianne, I could give you Ryan or the other men you have prayed for in the past if you really want them, but if you submit to me you will realize that what I have, is so much better! Trust in Me and walk with Me and you will see what it's like to live with joy and fullness once again! This child I have given to you is NOT a mistake, it will be a blessing and bring life to all! Take care of the gifts I have given to you. They need to know you love them, and so you do! Don't ever get too busy to love them! In time I will reveal what it is I have called you to do and your career will be successful! I love you, my child." So, I am done asking God for what I want. Because I want the real blessing. If He chooses to give me Ryan back, then that will be in His will, because I will no longer ask. As much as I love him, God does have someone that I will love perfectly and completely and they will love me and the children in the same way! I will be glad that I waited on God.

So I think, Why not? Why not wait and see what it's like to walk in God's way and let Him give me what He has for me? Why not wait for His blessing!

Yes, I am excited to have this baby! I am excited to find out the sex! And though I use to want a boy because I know Ryan would really want one, it no longer matters!! God will give me what He knows is best for all of us! Either way, I will always cherish my kids and anyone who can't accept them is NOT good enough for me or them! So for now, I have to go. I have such a peace about things for once though! And I know it'll all work out. It may take years, but in time, God's time I'll understand it all!