What will come of this?

Hi again! So, I was thinking . . . As much as I want to know what is to come, and what is in store for the future, it makes me wonder that if things don't work out how I want them to, will this bring me back to God and closer than I was before? Will all the pain, hurt, and love I've gone through with Ryan change my life forever? Some days and some times lately I feel closer to God now than I have in a long time, but I also have those times where I cry out to Him to change things. It's all I can do to think about him with someone else. I guess praying for him and lifting up to God the areas of his life that God leads me to pray about is way more useful because then I am not thinking about the things that make me cry.

I guess now I wait on God. Maybe it'll get better. As of now we aren't talking at all unless I tell him how the baby is doing. Even if we don't end up together in the long run, I still pray that he comes around to be a good father. Because I can't imagine telling his child that he didn't want it. I just wish we were a whole family again. But as everyone says, that's impossible. I guess it'll take a miracle!