Hi! As I was sitting here wondering what I wanted to do during this birth (women start to think about that at some point), I realized I wanted to try and give birth to this baby naturally! Don't ask me why this is so! I gave birth to my first, my son naturally and it was so painful and the birth from hell! They had to break my water 3 times! It kept resealing! I never wanted another after because of the pain and sheer horror I went through. I had back labor something terrible! With my second, my daughter, I had a walking epidural. However it didn't go into effect until right after she was born. She was born almost immediately. Though my water broke at home and we by the time I got to the hospital the contractions were strong and only 3 minutes apart! I remember that night very clearly.
I was in the hospital since Thanksgiving day, when she decided to come again and the contractions came on strong. With it being 8 weeks early, the doctors said NO way! They gave me something to stop it. The did a non stress test and realized that Alexis was going to come, it was a matter of time. She wanted out! But then I was only dilated to a 6 and for 2 days nothing changed. The contractions came and went, so they finally sent me home! I begged to stay saying she was coming soon! So, we went home. I put my little 2 year old in his bed and went to bed. I never slept. I lay there quietly for 2 hours and looked at the clock. At 11:30PM I felt a funny feeling like I had to go the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom and my bag of waters broke. No, that is an understatement. They ruptured. I was so calm. I told my mom and Brett. And so they flew to the car in a panic. I calmly walked down the stairs and as I was walking down the stairs, The contractions came on suddenly and strong. I gently woke my son up and carried him up the stairs. I grabbed my bag and his overnight bad and headed to the car for the waiting scared people! LOL! I put my son in his carseat and my mom buckled him. Then I got in and we raced to my dad's to drop off Mike. Then we headed to the hospital.
When we got to the hospital the put me in an ER bed. The doc. came in and checked me and said oh it'll be at least 2 hours. What little ER doctors know about labor! I screamed at him to call the L&D ward! A 1/2 hour later they brought me up and I begged for an epidural. This was very painful and I had no break or rest between the minute contractions. So they came. As soon as I came I remember saying I feel fire! It burns, it burns. But I remembered that is called the ring of fire! It is when the baby is crowning! So, they said to push! I only pushed 3 times and out she came! I was so relieved and then I felt the pain meds kick in! LOL! They put her on my chest and I remember asking why she wasn't breathing. MY God, my baby is dead! They swept her away and got the crash cart. I am not sure what happened in those next 3 minutes, it was all a blur. I vaguely remember the placenta coming out. All I could think of was my baby is dead. I cried and cried. My only daughter. . . A male nurse came back in and said that he was sorry. I turned over and sobbed. Don't be sorry, I thought! You can't be. Then he said they took her to the level 2 ICU. They didn't have a level 3, otherwise she would've gone. He left me to face the doctor. She explained that Alexis' lungs were too young and she couldn't breath on her own. She explained that she had no sucking ability and that she was going to remain there until she got better, but she was NOT dead. I was so relieved. She told me to be patient as she was born very early. I could not see her. They told me I could not see her for 24 hours. It was torture. All I wanted to do was sleep. But other than that I was in little pain. What does a mother do when she is told she can't see her own baby?
The next day came and they took me to her. I saw her hooked up to what seemed like a hundred machines. My God! I started to cry and asked if I could hold her, but I could not. I could only touch her hand after I washed 3 times! I could not kiss her or feel my baby. The nurses could of course. I begged to hold her. So they said that night I could if she was doing better. I watched them bathe her though and she was so beautiful! I came back that night and I finally got to hold her until the machines went off. She started to choke! I whispered to her that she had to make it that she was my little princess. I was instructed to leave immediately. She was in the level 3 for 3 to 4 days. It was all a blur. Then one day, I walked in to try and feed her again, and she was not there. So I asked the nurses there, and they couldn't find her. They were all new. A new shift, I guessed. But I started to panic. Where was my baby? So, one of the nurses called the level one unit and she was transferred. I found out that was a good thing. She was no longer in serious danger, but she was still too sick to go home. I spent hours there. I spent the night there. I even spent days there. I would go home inbetween feedings to see my son. Sometimes I brought him. He kept himself occupied by finding the water fountain, which was a new feat to him! Once in a while the nurses would give him cups that they usually put breast milk to stack. I would get frustrated watching babies come and leave. Their parents would never come to visit and they just came and took their babies away. I watched Alexis have to go into the Jaundice warmer and she could only be out for 30 minutes max. At that time, I wanted to breastfeed, so it got frustrating, as she wasn't getting it still. I had to go through a bunch of sessions with the lactation nurse. She said give it time. They eventually told me she could go home the next morning and every morning I came in they said no, not this morning! She had a setback and failed at a test the night before. Then the day came and she was ready to leave. It was such a happy day! I was finally taking my daughter home a few days before Christmas! We were instructed to let NO one near her or to let anyone hold her.
So, that is the story of Alexis!
And yet I am still thrilled to be having another one! I honestly never thought it'd be possible! I have actually started contractions already. They come and go but they are strong! Not this again, I was thinking last week! But I'd lay there at night not be able to move and just breath through them until they'd fade.
This has caused concern as I am only 19 weeks! They said I have to wait until 20 weeks before they can have any chance of saving the baby. I have not told Ryan, because there is no need to worry him. I honestly don't even know if he'll be there for the birth. As much as I want him to be so that at least he can see his own child born and so that I can tell his child it's daddy was there! But, alas, I want to try it natural again. I don't know why, but I have a feeling. I will be completely alone in this as Ryan's decided not to be a part of that, but alone or not, this is my feelings. I may change them in the heat of the pain, but whatever happens, God will be there. They said I have a HUGE potential to have this one way earlier than Alexis, as it is my 3rd and each of my children come earlier than the one before it, but it'll all work out. If I can carry it to at least 32 weeks it has a better chance of surviving!
So, if any of you woman have had a natural birth and have any suggestions, please tell me! As the first one, though natural, I was bed-ridden, so the pain was worse. Though it's my 3rd, I feel like I am doing this all for the first time again because my youngest will be 4! HMMM! I am am a little scared, a little excited and well a little overwhelmed to be doing this alone and without Ryan.
I just pray for God's comfort and peace and when it is time, it'll happen! Ideally I'd like to have it Christmas Eve Morn. But time will tell. Especially in this! LOL!
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